In a recent display of their unique brand of parenting expertise, Star Magazine released a report card evaluating the parenting skills of various celebrity moms. This publication, known for its insightful coverage of topics like “Stars Struggle with CELLULITE” and “The Best and Worst Beach Bodies,” has decided to add “Mom Report Cards” to their repertoire. Apparently, their editorial team, possibly a group of judgmental robots, is well-equipped to grade motherhood.
The criteria for a “bad mom” according to these so-called experts are quite amusing. For instance, Hilary Lane received a C- because her song mentioned Tinder, suggesting she prioritizes dating over her son’s needs. It’s baffling to think that a pop star should only sing about parenting to please the masses. Similarly, Kim Kardashian faced criticism for enjoying lunch with friends, as if having a social life makes one a neglectful parent.
Other “bad mom” offenses include having a toddler who occasionally cries. Both Kim and Hilary were chastised for their children’s tantrums, which seem to be a normal part of toddlerhood. Kim earned a D- for daring to take some time for herself with morning workouts and social lunches. Rosie O’Donnell and Mariah Carey were likewise penalized for having nannies – apparently, needing help is frowned upon.
On the flip side, the magazine deems a mom “good” if she keeps her children close at all times. Angelina Jolie scored an A+ for rarely being seen without her six kids, while Jennifer Lopez earned an A for always having her twins nearby. Sandra Bullock was celebrated for bringing her son to work – no nannies needed!
To summarize, Star Magazine suggests that to receive a high parenting grade, you must never leave your child’s side, avoid any semblance of a social life, and not be too successful in your career. One can only imagine what a report on celebrity dads would look like — if it ever existed.
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