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Why Sending a Daughter to College is More Challenging Than Sending a Son
Updated: July 30, 2023
Originally Published: June 18, 2015
On June 24th, a date that would have marked my father’s 74th birthday, I will proudly watch my daughter graduate from high school. There’s no doubt Dad would have loved to see her receive her diploma on his special day. She cherished the 11 years they had together as much as I did. Yet, as I gaze at the empty chair where he should be, the bittersweet blend of joy and sorrow becomes clear.
Joy and sorrow are two sides of the same coin; they coexist in our lives, much like the memories of those we’ve lost. In this moment, the joy of launching my daughter into her future is tinged with the ache of her impending departure.
Two years ago, I experienced this bittersweet farewell with my son, now 20. I can already predict how her graduation day will unfold. The ceremony will be a long, emotional affair, and as the familiar strains of “Pomp and Circumstance” fill the air, I’ll be overwhelmed. The moment will feel similar to the haze that enveloped me after my father’s funeral.
The summer ahead will be a whirlwind of preparations, filled with tasks for both of us—drowning in the details of college life. We’ll need to shop for her extra-long bedding, open her bank account, and invest in a Canada Goose down coat for the Chicago winters, just like her brother’s. The cost may pinch my budget, but we’ll manage.
However, while I can buy her a warm coat to shield her from the cold, I can’t safeguard her from life’s harsher realities. Sending a daughter to college comes with unique concerns that differ from those of a son.
My own experiences during college were far from safe, and while I don’t want to generalize, they weigh heavily on my mind:
- An attempted assault in my dorm room by an intruder.
- Held at gunpoint while returning home from dinner.
- A second mugging in a taxi.
- An attack by three intoxicated peers on my way back from a store.
- A violent incident in Harvard Square during a busy night.
- Inappropriate advances from classmates during a celebration.
- An assault on the eve of my graduation.
This lengthy list is alarming, and I can only hope that my daughter—and all young women—won’t have to endure any level of trauma. Sadly, this history stirs a sense of dread as she prepares for college life. When she reaches the age I was during those experiences, the memories resurface, and the best I can do is impart caution.
While we shop for those sheets and open her bank account, I’ll share practical advice: be cautious at ATMs and avoid being alone at night. We’ll talk about navigating a world that can be both exhilarating and dangerous.
Ultimately, the freedom that many boys take for granted is often an illusion for girls. My son can ride the subway at any hour without fear, while my daughter understands she can’t do the same. She accepts this reality, even if it fuels her frustration. As she prepares to leave home, I worry for her safety in a world that can be unforgiving.
I hope my daughter will focus on her studies and personal growth rather than facing these harsh truths firsthand. Yet, when the time comes to bid her farewell on campus, just as I did with her brother, my heart will carry not only the weight of saying goodbye but also the fear of what lies ahead.
If you’re interested in more topics related to family planning and home insemination, check out our other blog posts, such as this one on intrauterine insemination. For those considering home insemination, this authority on the topic offers valuable resources.
Summary
Sending a daughter off to college is a unique emotional challenge that intertwines joy and fear. While preparations can be exciting, concerns about safety and well-being often weigh heavily on mothers, especially when reflecting on their own past experiences. As young women navigate their futures, the realities of the world can create a complex mix of anticipation and dread.