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My Effective Strategy for Responding to ‘I’m Bored’
Parenting
By Jamie Thompson
Updated: June 22, 2023
Originally Published: June 25, 2015
My 5-year-old recently discovered the phrase “I’m bored,” which sent a chill down my spine. I had thought I had a few more years before boredom became a part of his vocabulary. After all, he’s still easily entertained by the simple act of taking coins out of a jar and putting them back in. But there it was: “Mom, I’m bored.”
Initially, I tried to solve his boredom problem by reminding him of his toys, books, or even suggesting he plays with his sister. Like my own mother, I even resorted to threatening him with chores. However, a few months ago, I took on a challenge to spend an entire long weekend without screens. It turned out to be harder than I expected. By the end of those three days, I realized I had experienced a feeling I hadn’t felt in years: boredom. Ever since I got my first smartphone, I had filled every little gap in my day with quick glances at my phone, whether it was scrolling through social media or checking the time. Coincidentally, I had also been lamenting my dwindling creativity, a dilemma I typically attributed to my busy life as a parent.
During this time, I discovered a fascinating podcast called “Bored and Brilliant” on WNYC, which challenges listeners to ditch their phones for a week. The host, Marissa Collins, emphasized that boredom can spark creativity. Only by enduring those uncomfortable feelings of wanting stimulation and resisting the urge to fill that void can we truly create.
Boredom isn’t simply about having nothing to do; it’s a conflict between what we desire and what we’re currently experiencing. A person who feels bored “wants to be stimulated but finds it hard to connect with their surroundings,” as noted in a piece by the American Psychological Association. Research by Dr. Clara Lewis at the University of California suggests that this gap between wanting and receiving stimulation is where creativity thrives. Many creative professionals she interviewed revealed that boredom was the catalyst that inspired them to explore new avenues. In essence, if we never allow ourselves to feel bored, we miss out on the opportunity for mental exploration.
In American culture, being bored is often seen as a negative trait. We tend to equate boredom with laziness or a lack of intelligence. We glorify busyness and productivity, viewing boredom as a problem needing resolution. So when my child meanders into the kitchen proclaiming, “I’m bored,” my instinct is to jump into action and offer suggestions.
But after my experience with the “Bored and Brilliant” challenge, I had a revelation about boredom. Now, whenever he expresses his boredom, I calmly respond, “It’s perfectly fine to be bored.”
At first, he resisted this idea, arguing, “It’s not okay to be bored!” clearly influenced by society’s obsession with constant engagement. I simply replied, “Actually, it is,” and I continued with my tasks, allowing him to sit with his boredom. Recently, he crafted a “printer/shredder” from yoga blocks and paper towel tubes, demonstrating his creativity.
Later, he lounged on the couch, gazing out the window, and I refrained from suggesting he draw or read. I put my phone away and joined him, embracing the idea that it’s okay to be bored.
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In summary, embracing boredom can be a powerful tool for creativity, both for children and adults. Instead of rushing to fill every moment with entertainment, we should allow ourselves and our kids the mental space to explore their own ideas and interests.