I’ve always been the type to plan ahead. I check the weather multiple times a day, carry rain ponchos and energy bars in my trunk, and I never leave home without an extra pair of contacts and fresh underwear. So, you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that the $400 I spent on hospital prep classes and the countless pages of baby advice left me woefully unready for motherhood. Who would have thought?
It turns out that the most valuable lessons weren’t in those textbooks or parenting magazines (though, let’s be honest, a little gossip about celebrities can be a nice distraction). What I truly needed was the accumulated wisdom of my postpartum self to share some straightforward truths:
1. You’ll Still Look Pregnant After Delivery
Congratulations on your new baby! However, your uterus didn’t get the memo. I didn’t even look five months pregnant while I was five months pregnant, yet there I was, leaving the hospital looking like I was still carrying a watermelon. If you had a C-section, it’s even more pronounced. Expect to leave looking like you’re 148 months along—167 if you had surgery. Bloating will make you feel like you just participated in a food challenge!
2. Take Everything You Can From the Hospital
No matter how generous your insurance is or what supplies you got at your baby shower, you’ll need more than you think. Don’t hesitate—collect everything you can from the nurses’ station. Get cozy with the nurses; they hold the keys to the good stuff. This includes those giant maxi pads, nipple cream, swaddle blankets, and even soft cotton nursing gowns. And let’s not forget those disposable, mesh underwear that feel like a warm hug from your grandma. You’ll thank yourself later.
3. You’ll Keep Experiencing Birth After Giving Birth
This may be TMI, but bear with me. After my son was born, it felt like I was having a never-ending period—one that could soak a pad the size of a sheepdog. Yes, I was warned about postpartum bleeding, but nothing could prepare me for the reality. So, stock up on those oversized pads from the hospital; your regular drugstore ones won’t cut it.
4. Visitors Are a Blessing (Especially with Food)
Don’t shy away from visitors, especially if they come with meals! Those frozen dinners you prepared? Yeah, they’re still in your freezer. When guests arrive, let them hold the baby or help with chores. You can sneak in a shower while they entertain the little one. Just try not to eat lasagna straight from your hand in front of them!
5. Newborns Have Mood Swings
It’s not you; it’s them. One moment, your baby will be calm and cuddly, and the next, they’ll be fussier than a toddler who missed nap time. Don’t take it personally; they’re just figuring things out. Jot down the moments they make you feel like a failure—it might come in handy for future negotiations about your retirement home!
6. Breastfeeding Isn’t Always Natural
Let’s clear this up: breastfeeding is not the effortless act everyone claims it to be. It’s challenging and may require help from lactation consultants or specialists. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to switch to formula if that’s what works for you. What matters most is that you and your baby find what’s right, so don’t let anyone sway you otherwise.
7. You Don’t Need to Have All the Answers
This might be the simplest truth but also the hardest to accept. The best way to care for your baby is simply to love them. And guess what? Your baby thinks you’re perfect just the way you are!
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In summary, navigating life postpartum comes with its own set of surprises and challenges, but with a little humor and support, you can embrace this new chapter with confidence.