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Pregnancy
My Uterus Is Not Your Business to Critique
by Mia Thompson
Updated: Dec. 21, 2015
Originally Published: Dec. 21, 2015
Let me start by saying I’ve given birth to four amazing children, so I feel like I’ve earned my stripes in this conversation. Lately, I’ve been on a #nojudgment campaign, and honestly, we could really use a lot more of it in our lives. Here’s the takeaway: Don’t measure another woman’s experience by your own.
That’s a mantra I think we all should live by. Or perhaps, don’t critique until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes… or, well, you know what I mean. The truth is, every labor experience is unique.
As my friends step into the incredible journey of bringing new life into the world, I can’t help but feel protective of their emotions and their bodies (which are not public property, just a heads up). There’s this prevailing attitude that there’s a “right way” to do things. Hold on while I climb on my soapbox for a moment: They created life, and that life had to exit their bodies. We should be giving high-fives, not unsolicited opinions.
Exhibit A: Weight Gain
Let’s just agree to stop discussing it. Seriously. Some women gain the “ideal” amount of weight (as decreed by the pregnancy literature) intentionally, and they are true champions, but that doesn’t mean they should be the standard for every mom-to-be—kind of like mythical creatures or elite athletes. Others find themselves gaining the “right” amount (or less), but it’s out of their control. Genetics, morning sickness, or other factors come into play, and judging them is just not fair. And then there are those of us who, let’s just say, feel like we’ve won the heavyweight title of pregnancy weight gain. But guess what? It’s all perfectly okay. You’re growing a human being. To every variation of weight gain out there, I salute you.
Exhibit B: Epidurals/Natural Birth/C-Sections
This brings me back to my first point. Don’t evaluate someone else’s body or birthing choices through the lens of your own. You have no idea what another person’s labor looks like. Your birth narrative is yours alone. Even within my four experiences (using the same body!), each one deserves its own title—like “Naive Bliss,” “The Big-Head Challenge,” “Chainsaw Incident,” and “Sweet Potato Fry Experience.” (If it weren’t for my husband, I might have gone Old Testament-style with the names: “The One Who Caused Me Pain” or “The One Who Made Me Scream.” But that’s a story for another time.)
And about C-sections, yes, I know some people think they’re “overused.” However, let’s recognize that they can save lives—both mothers and babies. So, I say, “Bring on the surgery!” And those moms who’ve had C-sections? They’re warriors. Imagine enduring 60 hours of labor only to need a C-section! Or my friend whose anesthesia didn’t work. Let’s just pause for a moment to consider that.
So, can we please give back the control to the person who truly owns it (the mom) and uplift her, no matter what her birth journey entails? Because, spoiler alert… every story is significant.
Cameron Lee
Period. Done.
(Insert emotional moment here.)
I’m so sorry that was taken from you, my friend. Your birth story is stunning. It belongs to you, your child, and your partner. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
Exhibit C: Home/Hospital/Birth Center
One of my favorite comedians, Alex Baker, jokingly mentions how his wife prefers home births while some people say, “We were going to do that, but we wanted our baby to be safe.” Hilarious! But here’s the reality: if someone must go through the ordeal of childbirth, they deserve to do it where they feel safest and most comfortable. When I’m in the hospital, I’m thinking, “When do I check out, and can I get a cheeseburger and a milkshake?” But my friend Lisa would rather avoid a place that smells like a nursing home. I totally understand. If you’re not the one in labor, keep your opinions to yourself.
I haven’t even touched on women who choose not to have children. That’s their choice and no one else’s business. What about those who can’t conceive or the brave mothers facing postpartum challenges (I see you, and I honor your struggle)? Or the age of parents? Or surrogates (you’re incredible), and the families who choose them (so much love for you)? Let’s not forget about adoption—show me anything related to adoption, and I’ll be in tears!
Ladies, let’s unite, give each other a reassuring nod, and affirm, “I value you, and I acknowledge your story.” I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to exhale collectively—especially my own breath of relief.
If you remember only one thing, let it be this: Don’t judge another’s experience.
Okay, great job.
Photos via Cameron Birth Photography.
This article was originally published on Dec. 21, 2015.
Summary
The blog post emphasizes the importance of not judging others’ pregnancy and birthing experiences. It encourages women to support one another, regardless of different choices regarding weight gain, birthing methods, and locations. The author advocates for empathy and understanding, reminding readers that every birth story is unique and beautiful.