5 Strategies for Easing Parenting a Strong-Willed Child

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When my daughter was just a tiny baby, she had this adorable habit of waving her little fists in the air as she drifted off to sleep. It was one of those charming newborn reflexes—like the sneezes, eye rolls, and the involuntary smiles that all infants exhibit. Little did we know, this was her first act of rebellion.

From the get-go, she challenged us on everything. She resisted being tucked into a baby sling, opting to straighten her legs as if she were ready to stand. Naptime? A struggle. For months, the only way to soothe her was by bouncing on an exercise ball or walking her around in a baby carrier, which only worked when she was big enough to have her legs out. Even then, it took nearly an hour to coax her to sleep. We tried every piece of parenting advice available on early bedtimes and nap routines, but nothing seemed to click.

As she transitioned into toddlerhood, the buzzword of the moment was “redirection.” The idea is that when a toddler is fixated on something unsafe or annoying, you’re to redirect their attention. For instance, “No, don’t play with those scissors! Look, here’s a fun toy instead!” But that approach didn’t work with her; she would cling to the scissors like they were a prized possession. She was stubborn not just about toys but about how things should unfold, and her arguments flowed freely the moment she learned to speak.

While conventional parenting techniques might work wonders for some children, they weren’t effective for my daughter. In fact, my younger son easily responds to redirection, happily switching gears without a fuss. My daughter, however, was born with a fierce spirit and a mind of her own.

She’s not a problem child—far from it. She’s an absolute joy—intelligent, articulate, and full of love. She’s passionate about her interests and devotes herself to her friends and family. When she finds a book series she loves, she devours it in one sitting, and her tech skills are impressive; she taught herself to create presentations on the computer at just four years old.

While she lights up when things go her way, her moods can shift rapidly when faced with disappointment. At eight years old, her strong-willed nature is becoming slightly more manageable, and we’ve learned to navigate her challenges better. Interestingly, she behaves well at school, saving her emotional outbursts for home. I like to think it’s a sign of affection—her comfort with us allows her to express herself freely. But it can still be overwhelming at times.

Strategies for Parenting a Strong-Willed Child

Every strong-willed child has their own unique traits, and here are a few strategies that have supported us over the years:

1. Empower Choice: When asking her to do something we anticipate she might resist, we try to give her a sense of control. For instance, when we set up a chore chart, we involved her in the process. Together, we created the list and discussed how to phrase the responsibilities. While we ultimately made the decisions, this approach allowed her to feel invested.
2. Avoid Comparisons: Every child is different. Some kids are more adaptable or receptive to reason. Just because your strong-willed child doesn’t respond like a more compliant one doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. My daughter emerged from the womb with her fists clenched and ready to assert herself.
3. Recognize Their Potential: Strong-willed kids often grow into assertive, confident adults—think of future leaders, advocates, or entrepreneurs. It’s a gift to stand firm in one’s beliefs, even if it creates challenges during childhood.
4. Offer Unconditional Love: My spirited child also has a sensitive side. She may not seek out affection, but I make it a point to shower her with love through playful moments and quality time. When she is acting out, extra one-on-one attention can work wonders.
5. Manage Your Own Emotions: It’s easy to feel frustrated when arguments arise, but keeping calm can diffuse tension. Mindful parenting resources, like this one, have been a lifesaver for me. Remember, some of that stubbornness may come from you or your partner, so approach these moments with empathy.

As I look ahead, I know that navigating the tween and teen years will likely bring new challenges. However, my hope is that she continues to feel safe with us, knowing that no matter how much she tests boundaries, she can always come to us for support. I aim to teach her not just how to manage her strong feelings but that she is loved unconditionally for the fierce, intelligent person she is.

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Summary

Parenting a strong-willed child can be a rewarding yet challenging journey. Strategies like empowering them with choices, avoiding comparisons, recognizing their potential, offering unconditional love, and managing your emotions can help navigate their spirited nature. Embrace their uniqueness, as these traits often lead to confident adulthood.