When our little Max was just a few weeks old, he faced a health crisis that led to a hospital stay. For nights on end, he lay in a crib filled with wires and tubes, a tiny figure amidst a sea of medical equipment. I remember testing the railings, waiting for the nurse to step away. My partner, Sam, stood by, watching as I carefully maneuvered myself into the crib, trying not to disturb any of the fragile connections. I curled around him, my breath mingling with his, and when he first turned to nurse, I was overcome with emotion. The staff allowed me to sleep beside him each night, and I truly believe that our closeness helped in his healing process.
Our family doesn’t live in a tiny cabin or lead an off-grid lifestyle; however, we do share a family bed, which might seem unconventional in our San Diego neighborhood. Sam is the type who simply follows what feels right for us without needing to justify our choices. I, on the other hand, often prefer deeper conversations, diving straight into the heart of life’s experiences. Sharing our co-sleeping practice sometimes draws raised eyebrows and awkward shuffles from those around me, but the idea of not sleeping next to my children is far more challenging.
From the moment they entered the world, our kids have shared our bed. We practice safe co-sleeping, and I believe it can be beneficial when done with care—no heavy blankets or pillows, and we avoid substances that could impair our awareness. Our baby wakes, nurses, and returns to slumber easily.
As our children grow, co-sleeping transforms into a refuge, a way to reconnect after a tough day. When Max has a nightmare, he reaches for me, whispering, “Mommy?” A simple response is all he needs to settle back down. Contrary to fears that co-sleeping might hinder their ability to self-soothe, I’ve observed that the more affection and comfort we provide, the more resilient they become. They develop a strong sense of safety and trust, leading to independence by the age of three. They easily engage with others and can even sleep alone when necessary!
As for the notion that co-sleeping might weaken our relationship, I can assure you that Sam and I have a vibrant intimacy, perhaps more so than many couples in their twenties. Living arrangements don’t limit physical connection; it’s all about finding time for each other.
Our family bed has a flexible nature, adapting based on our needs. There are nights when I share the bed with our youngest, ages 4 and 13, while the teenage sibling and I enjoy deep conversations long into the night. Those moments often reveal insights and feelings that might otherwise remain hidden.
Co-sleeping encompasses all aspects of being human—awkward moments, laughter, and even the mundane reality of sleep. While darkness can feel overwhelming, the presence of a loved one serves as a protective barrier in a world that can be daunting. Together, we find peace, comfort, and refuge.
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Summary
Co-sleeping has offered my family a unique bond, nurturing both my children’s independence and our connection as a couple. The benefits of sharing a bed extend beyond mere comfort; they foster a supportive environment for emotional growth and resilience.