I often find that much of my loneliness is of my own making. When it feels like all my friendships are merely superficial, I can’t help but reflect on my own choices. I’m knee-deep in the chaos of raising my kids, constantly busy planning meals, packing lunches, and responding to spontaneous requests: “Can I play video games?” “Can we go outside?” “Can we hit the pool?”
As we prepare to leave the house, I glance down and realize I haven’t even changed my clothes today, too absorbed in managing everyone else’s activities.
I tend to put myself last, and my friendships mirror this. Starting a conversation at the playground with another mom seems easy enough, but it often feels awkward. By the time a real dialogue begins, it’s time to leave, a child has fallen and scraped a knee, or kids are darting off in different directions. Sure, we can exchange numbers, but coordinating our busy schedules feels impossible, and once the moment passes, no one wants to appear desperate for connection.
On particularly exhausting days, I sometimes convince my partner to watch the kids so I can escape for a bit. But where do I go? I lack close friends or affordable hangouts. So I find myself aimlessly driving into town.
Why not treat myself? I pull into Sonic for a cup of ice cream—real ice cream, not fro-yo. And as I sit in my minivan, I notice I’m not alone; there are other moms like me, savoring their own solitude.
Honestly, if it weren’t for social media, I might delete it altogether. While it consumes my time, it also provides the interaction I crave. I miss those deep, ride-or-die friendships from my childhood, where a large family meant always having someone around. Now, I’m often just accompanied by my 7-year-old son, who is wonderful but likely won’t want to shoulder the weight of my social life forever.
I exchange pleasantries with other moms at church, but it often feels like an awkward middle school dance—everyone standing apart, unsure if it’s worth the risk to reach out. I worry about compatibility, what others think of my parenting, and whether our kids will get along.
I know I need to step up and be brave, but do I really want someone close enough to see the real me? Perhaps loneliness is just easier despite the discomfort of it all. So, we continue to drift in our separate ways, ending up side by side at Sonic.
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In summary, balancing motherhood and the quest for meaningful friendships can be challenging. Many moms find themselves in similar superficial connections, but recognizing this is the first step toward building deeper relationships and nurturing our social lives.