As I approach my 40th birthday in just a few months, I’ve come to realize that the two individuals who welcomed me into this world won’t be here to celebrate my milestone. Both of my parents passed away while I was still in my 30s. While many of my friends are enjoying moments with their parents, whether celebrating their retirements or making plans to care for them, I find myself stepping into the role of the eldest in my family.
Here are a few reflections I’ve gathered along this journey:
- Plan, but Stay Flexible: Life can take unexpected turns. Five years ago, I was preparing to welcome my second child while starting a promising new job that I thought would lead me away from the newspaper industry. Living far from my parents and sisters was a challenge, but I assumed that distance would be temporary. However, in late 2010, my mother was diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer, and we learned that her time was limited. She passed away two years later. My father, after trying to step into the dual roles of grandparent and parent, struggled with his own health and passed away just over a year later. At 35, I presumed I had a lot more time with them than I actually did.
- Too Late for Some Things: It’s a hard truth, but if you find yourself behaving poorly and know it, it’s time to change. I sought guidance from a wise counselor, who reminded me that it’s okay to feel relief after a loss, especially if the relationship was fraught with tension. I had always hoped for a better connection with my dad, but I’ve come to realize that some relationships simply cannot be salvaged. Although I miss his humor and his affection for my children, I no longer carry the burden of unresolved conflicts. If you have the chance to mend things, do it while you can.
- Appreciate What You Had: When I feel down about my situation, I remind myself of the saying, “Someone else is happier with less than you have.” My experience isn’t a tragedy; I had my parents until my mid-30s. They were present for significant moments in my life, and many people don’t have that kind of support. I admire those who have overcome the loss of a parent or faced unimaginable challenges, like the loss of a spouse or child. They are the true warriors, and their strength serves as a guide.
- Practice Self-Care: A crucial lesson I’ve learned is to take care of myself. For too long, I believed that being overwhelmed or sleep-deprived was a badge of honor in adulthood. If you genuinely enjoy your demanding job, that’s wonderful. But if you find yourself dreading each week, pay attention to that feeling. Earlier this year, I transitioned from a full-time role to freelance writing and editing. While it hasn’t been without its challenges, I feel more aligned with my purpose now. Life is unpredictable, and I’m choosing to live with intention.
In this time of reflection, I’m learning to embrace life’s uncertainties. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, so I’m striving to make the most of each moment. For more insights on navigating complex life transitions, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
As I near my 40th birthday without my parents, I’ve gained valuable insights about life, relationships, and self-care. I’ve come to appreciate the time I had with them while recognizing the importance of making the most of every day. If you’re dealing with loss or significant life changes, remember to cherish your connections and prioritize your well-being. For more information on home insemination, visit Make A Mom.