Today, I had an unusual conversation with my partner, Tom. It started with a dark joke about how we both might end up “not around” one day, and before I knew it, we were deep into a hypothetical scenario that was surprisingly enlightening. We finally decided to meet with an estate planning attorney to secure our family’s future through a will and a trust for our children. We also assigned each other as power of attorney and medical proxy in case the unthinkable were to happen. Tom couldn’t resist a few morbid quips about how “unfortunate” my early demise would be, but I appreciated his humor amidst the gravity of the situation.
At around 40 years old, you might be wondering why it took us so long to tackle this important task. To be honest, we had tried to address it as newlyweds over a decade ago, but we were overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start. We couldn’t afford a lawyer back then, and after a failed DIY attempt, we abandoned the idea. We did, however, manage to notarize a document designating a guardian for our daughter, which was a step in the right direction.
A recent family loss made us acutely aware of the necessity for a power of attorney and medical proxy. We often assume that our partner will automatically make decisions for us, but the reality is that legal and medical processes are more complex than ever. My lawyer reminded me that even those who planned their estates responsibly years ago must now navigate new laws and regulations. I’m grateful for her expertise.
The best part of this entire experience was realizing that I don’t need to be an expert in all of this—thankfully, I have help. Surprisingly, it didn’t cost as much as I feared; our first planning meeting was complimentary. I left feeling relieved that we’ve set a solid foundation for our children’s future, even if we hope it remains untouched.
However, I had a moment of reckoning when I asked Tom a crucial question: “Can you name any of our kids’ doctors?” His answer? “Nope.” Oops.
During our legal consultation, we discovered that I held the keys to our financial realm, including all the passwords. If anything were to happen, Tom would be lost when it came to accessing our financial accounts. We quickly took action to remedy that oversight. But this also made me realize that I needed to ensure he has access to other vital information, especially regarding our children’s healthcare.
Some of you might find this relatable, while others may see it as odd. A parent who doesn’t know their child’s doctor? It happens. Tom works long hours, which allows me to manage our home and care for the kids. I frequently juggle appointments and errands, often keeping him in the loop through quick bullet points when he returns home after a trip. Sadly, he sometimes misses out on essential information about our children’s medical care.
To simplify this, I created a comprehensive list of all their doctors and specialists and posted it on our fridge. This way, Tom doesn’t have to feel guilty about being out of the loop; he just needs the tools to step in if necessary.
Taking steps to prepare for potential crises isn’t about being paranoid or pessimistic—it’s about being practical. By letting go of the notion that I need to handle everything, I empower Tom to be fully involved in our family’s wellbeing. Although I don’t like to dwell on life without him—or vice versa—it’s essential to think about it and prepare accordingly.
If you’re interested in more discussions about preparation and family planning, check out our post on home insemination strategies. It’s an important topic that can help families navigate their future.
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