It’s not that we shun all forms of festive celebrations. My family splurges on Halloween costumes (trust me, homemade outfits for three kids can be just as pricey). Our decor includes seasonal window clings, straw scarecrows adorning the mailbox, and a wooden reindeer draped in twinkling lights. We have drawers full of Disney princess nightgowns and have even ventured into the land of American Girl dolls with matching outfits. Yet, I can’t bring myself to host a party for my kids where the whole class is invited to a chaotic venue featuring mediocre pizza. While I say this unapologetically, there’s a hint of guilt that lingers in my mind.
I want my children to know that I was never more content than the day they were born. However, I struggle to embrace a celebration that includes classmates they don’t particularly connect with, a setting I can’t control, and teenage staff singing “Happy Birthday”—to me, it feels like we’re not truly celebrating anyone. We often find ourselves with a pile of gifts that make little sense, thanks to a hurried parent at Toys “R” Us who, in the midst of chaos, asks their child, “What does she like?” Only to be met with a shrug and a hasty decision on an overpriced toy.
I once took my youngest to a party at a Zumba studio. My partner and I had essentially agreed on who would attend and what the other would owe as a reward. I was taken aback when the host mom welcomed us, told my daughter what to expect, and then turned to me and said, “We’ll wrap this up in 90 minutes. Go ahead and enjoy some time to yourself.”
“Excuse me?” I blurted out. Then I regained my composure and asked, “Wait, you don’t want me to stay?”
“Are you kidding? If I had 90 minutes to do anything I wanted, I’d dash out the door. These parties can be overwhelming, but the kids will dance, eat some cake, and then sleep for you! Have fun! Thanks for being here,” she said with the most genuine smile I’d ever seen from another parent at an event.
Stepping outside into the warm Saturday sun, I felt an exhilarating freedom, almost greeting the birds as I walked through the neighborhood.
I sometimes wish it didn’t seem so unconventional to avoid extravagant parties. My daughters will always have their special day, but I don’t want to teach them that they need grand gestures to feel loved. Ultimately, kids don’t crave elaborate decorations, themes, or extensive guest lists. They just want to run free, feel special, and blow out candles. The same goes for me; I don’t require a lavish day at the spa as much as I need a peaceful walk to recharge.
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In summary, while I adore my kids, I find the typical birthday party experience overwhelming and unfulfilling. I prefer to create meaningful moments without the pressure of extravagant celebrations.