In a world where labels are often seen as outdated, we’re told to embrace our individuality. Each of us is a unique snowflake—at least that’s the mantra I keep hearing. We should rise above labels, carve our own paths, and reject societal stereotypes. But despite this empowering narrative, I can’t shake my disdain for the term “girlfriend.”
At 35, dating a man in his early 50s, I find the 18-year age gap hard to ignore. We both have previous marriages under our belts, so this isn’t our first rodeo. We’re mature adults who have yet to tie the knot, but when it comes to describing our relationship, “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” feel awkward. Seriously, we’ve had multiple discussions about this over dinner.
Am I a teenager with a curfew? A college student cramming for finals? He’s not some awkward kid trying to sneak me into the back of his car (he rides a motorcycle, which is definitely a step up). I’m a fully grown woman, and I crave a term that reflects that.
Don’t get me wrong; we’ve explored other options. When I’ve referred to Alex as my “partner,” I’ve often been misidentified as a lesbian. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, it’s not the case for me, and correcting the misunderstanding felt awkward—particularly when I had to clarify that Alex is, indeed, a man. Talk about an uncomfortable moment!
The term “significant other” sounds cold and clinical. “This is Alex, my significant other. Yes, I love him dearly. He’s, um, significant.” Too stilted, right? I’ve even let repairmen and nosy neighbors think we’re married. Sure, I’m his wife—except for the fact that we have different last names and no wedding rings. Oh, when the time is right, he better propose! I might even break into a celebratory dance.
Calling him my “gentleman friend” feels a bit risqué, and while I’m not against a little fun, it’s not exactly suitable for holiday office parties or parent-teacher meetings. He sometimes affectionately calls me “Sweetheart” (I admit, it makes me smile), but if I were to call him “Big Guy” to match, my mother would probably faint, my kids would have a million questions, and his coworkers would raise their eyebrows. Way too much drama for a simple label!
He’s definitely not my sugar daddy, and I’m not his sugar baby. (If you’re curious about that term, do a quick search—but make sure the kids are out of earshot to avoid any awkward conversations.) Despite our attempts at finding a better term, we always circle back to “girlfriend” and “boyfriend,” which drives me crazy.
We have two choices: learn to live with it or get married. Since we’re doing things on our own terms, rushing into marriage just for a label feels silly. I guess we could try to get over it, at least until the next time he introduces me as his girlfriend. I can’t promise there won’t be a primal scream heard around the world after that!
Someone really needs to devise a new term for couples like us—those navigating life with past relationships, new partners, and an aversion to jumping into marriage just for the sake of a title.
For more insights into relationships and parenthood, check out our other posts like this one, which dives into the nuances of family building. If you’re also exploring motherhood, this resource provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while labels may not define us, the quest for the right term to express our relationship can be challenging. As we navigate our unique journey, we continue to search for a label that fits without the awkwardness of traditional terms.