Parenting
Updated: Dec. 20, 2015
Originally Published: July 27, 2015
Not just any old man, but a grandpa! There’s a delightful charm in the way grandpas blend a bit of grumpiness with a whole lot of sweetness, and honestly, I’m not too upset about this discovery. After all, who doesn’t enjoy spending time with a grandparent figure, even if they tend to scowl more than necessary?
Lately, I’ve noticed several amusing similarities between myself and your typical elderly gentleman:
- My pants are now hiked up higher than anyone else’s in the room.
- I find myself grumbling about “kids these days,” not exactly whispering it enough that they can’t hear.
- I take my kids to the park and share cautionary tales about folks I know who’ve had unfortunate accidents on playground equipment.
- My right knee starts to throb whenever rain is on the way.
- I have a prized armchair in front of the TV, and it really bothers me when someone else occupies it.
- My kids know I’m the go-to for quarters.
- I rise at dawn, enjoying a bowl of oatmeal while checking the weather to validate my knee’s predictions.
- Lunch is served before noon, and I sit down for dinner promptly at 5 p.m.
- I’m ready to hit the hay by 8 p.m.
- I’ve asked my kids to “pass me the remote.”
- Why would I hire someone to fix something I can manage myself?
- Yes, I wear bifocals.
- Nighttime driving? No, thank you.
- I take more joy in listening to my kids play Kick the Can than in their Mario Kart tournaments.
- My shoes are oversized and built for comfort.
- When dining out, I’d rather go to the local diner than a trendy restaurant.
- I’ve been told I raise my voice, but really, I’m just using my indoor voice.
- I’ve discovered eyebrow hairs that outgrow my head hair.
- The only magic trick I know is pulling a nickel from a kid’s ear.
- I keep a jar filled with bars of soap.
- I’m prepared for nearly anything life throws my way.
- While watching the kids from the couch, my eyelids often get heavy.
- Butterscotch Life Savers are my favorite treat.
- My kids curl up on my lap, eager to hear about “the olden days.”
And trust me, I could keep going! But I’ve got to dash out soon—I’m heading downtown to meet my buddies at the VFW to grumble about gas prices over black coffee, and it’s uphill both ways, of course.
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In summary, while I may be turning into a grandpa, there’s a warmth and wisdom in that transformation that I embrace wholeheartedly.