Parenting
Right now, my daughter is two years old, and I am her entire universe. As a stay-at-home mom, we spend every moment together. Although she is gradually overcoming her separation anxiety, there are still times when I have to gently pry her off my legs to leave her with her dad or a sitter. Just five minutes after my departure, she’s usually fine, but the last memory I have before heading out—whether it’s for a quick trip to the store or a Mom’s Night Out—is her little body crumpled on the floor, crying out for “Mama.”
“She’s definitely a Mama’s girl,” people often say with affection. I nod in agreement as she clings to me, burying her face in my chest.
Yet, despite our close bond, I find myself worrying. I fear that, as she grows, our relationship might not be as strong as I hope it will be. I don’t mean brief disagreements; I worry we might end up not truly knowing each other.
I’m concerned that she may struggle to trust me. I fret about inadvertently manipulating her emotions. What if she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing her joys or anxieties with me? I dread the thought of not being there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or not being the person she wants to celebrate milestones with, or even just to enjoy ordinary moments.
These worries stem from my own relationship with my mother, which has never been particularly close. I often envy those daughters who describe their mothers as their best friends, sharing shopping trips and nail dates. I’ve mourned the absence of that kind of connection with my mom, and I realize that this feeling is a journey I will continue to navigate.
I never knew my grandmother, as she passed away two years before I was born. However, my mother has frequently told me that I remind her of her own mother, which perhaps explains their tumultuous relationship. As a child, I often imagined how life would have been different had my grandmother been around—a guiding spirit during the turbulent times of my upbringing.
In honoring that connection, I gave my daughter my grandmother’s name. For now, she is indeed a Mama’s girl, and while I worry that this may not always be the case, I hold onto hope. Hope that I can be everything for her that my mother was not for me.
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In summary, while the journey of motherhood is filled with hopes and fears, it is ultimately about striving to build a relationship based on trust and love, breaking the cycle of the past, and creating a nurturing environment for our children.