Women juggle countless roles, and we often wear them with style. When my twins arrived three years ago, I embraced my new title of “mom.” It’s an incredible title, perhaps the best one out there, and it’s a role I cherish deeply. But that title can sometimes feel like a hat that never comes off.
For a while, my entire world revolved around my boys. I had friends, but our interactions were mostly limited to social media and text messages. I often struggled to keep up with even those. As a stay-at-home mom, my week was filled with activities like bible study, church on weekends, and outings with the kids to places like the zoo, science center, and library. I was almost always with my boys—literally every moment.
I loved it. They were my everything.
However, things began to change when I returned to full-time work. The mom guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, I went from being a constant presence in their lives to spending 45 hours a week apart from them. I felt as if leaving them even for a moment was a form of abandonment. I worried they would feel unloved and scarred by my absence, especially since their father was largely absent too. It felt incredibly unfair to leave them in daycare, at least in the beginning.
Adding to this emotional burden was the financial strain of childcare. I couldn’t bear the thought of paying someone to take care of my children while I pursued my career. My wallet couldn’t handle it, and emotionally, it felt wrong. As a result, I limited my outings to work and church, striving to be fully present when I was home.
But that was tough.
I started to feel bitterness creeping in. After long days at work, I wasn’t always the mom I aspired to be. My frustration over my lost personal life began to affect my family life.
As my boys grew and I adjusted to being a working mom, I realized that having a life outside of motherhood was essential. People would often tell me, “You need to make time for yourself,” and while it sounded great, the logistics felt impractical. But I’ve learned it’s crucial.
This applies to all parents—stay-at-home, work-from-home, full-time, part-time, single, married, and everything in between. Parents need time away from their kids to recharge and be even better caregivers. We pour so much into our children, but if we never replenish ourselves, we risk running on empty.
The saying goes, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” We need to invest in ourselves just as we do in our children. Before we were moms or dads, we were ourselves—individuals with friends, hobbies, and adult conversations. We enjoyed nights out and wore outfits beyond yoga pants.
As much as I derive joy from parenting, I’ve found that I am a more engaged and present mom when I take time for myself. “Mom” is a beautiful title, but I’m also Rachel, and finding her again has been a journey. I lost myself amidst difficult relationships and the chaos of early motherhood, but being a mom has ultimately guided me back to who I am. My sons have been my rock throughout my previous struggles, and while they remain my sanctuary, these toddler years have inspired me to seek out additional sources of fulfillment.
It’s easy to lose oneself in the whirlwind of parenthood, and this often contributes to marital difficulties and personal dissatisfaction. Our children need us, but if we lose our identities, can we truly be there for them?
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In conclusion, while being a parent is a beautiful journey, it’s crucial to nurture your own interests and well-being. Balance is key for personal happiness and effective parenting.