7 Challenges I Won’t Intervene In for My Kids

Parenting often feels like a balancing act between instinct and restraint. When my child stumbles, argues with a friend, or faces any sort of difficulty, my immediate reaction is to swoop in and fix things. It’s tempting to lift him up, mediate disputes, and rebuild what’s broken. However, I constantly remind myself that my role isn’t to make life too easy for my kids; doing so might actually hinder their growth. Here are seven challenges I’ve decided not to solve for my sons:

1. Boredom

Boredom seems to be a rarity in today’s childhood landscape, with kids inundated by activities, homework, and countless entertainment options. Yet, a little boredom can be beneficial, sparking creativity and new interests. So when my child declares, “I’m bored,” I now respond with, “That’s perfectly fine. It’s okay to be bored.”

2. Frustration

Both my husband and I have our own ways of managing frustration. I tend to dive deeper into whatever’s bothering me, which often leads to more anger. In contrast, my husband steps away from the issue, returning with a clearer mind. I’ve adopted his method for my son—when he gets upset over his Lego creation collapsing, I encourage him to take a break and return later. This allows him to approach the problem with a fresh perspective.

3. Disliking Their Dinner

Following Ellyn Satter’s guidelines on food, I sometimes serve meals I enjoy, knowing my kids may not always like them. However, there’s usually something on the table that they can eat. It’s crucial they understand that even I have my favorite meals occasionally, promoting a healthy relationship with food.

4. Experiencing Failure

As Jessica Lahey points out, a fear of failure can prevent children from taking intellectual risks. Allowing my kids to encounter failure—whether it’s a wrong answer on a math problem or a toppled bridge—teaches them resilience and problem-solving. It’s not my job to shield them from these experiences. Learning through failure is essential for growth.

5. Financial Missteps

I appreciate the financial advice of experts like Ron Lieber, who suggests gradually giving kids responsibility for their own expenses. If my child spends his clothing budget on a single pair of trendy sneakers, that’s a lesson learned. Mistakes with money now can be valuable teaching moments before they face more serious financial decisions later.

6. Friendship Disputes

I often feel the urge to step in during my kids’ arguments with their friends. However, I believe that experiencing conflict helps them understand boundaries and navigate social situations. They need the opportunity to resolve differences on their own, which is essential for their development and social instincts.

7. Homework Challenges

The debate around homework is ongoing, with many children overwhelmed by assignments that encroach on family time and rest. While I’m happy to assist with explanations, I won’t sit by for hours overseeing homework. I set a timer, encouraging my kids to manage their time effectively. After a long school day, they deserve personal time and sleep—this is more important than completing every single assignment.

Sure, the instinct to protect my kids from every challenge is strong. However, allowing them to face these hurdles independently is crucial for their growth and self-sufficiency. If I don’t, I would only be creating an even bigger issue they’ll eventually need to tackle on their own.

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Summary

In the journey of parenting, it’s essential to allow children to navigate certain difficulties themselves. By stepping back from fixing boredom, frustration, dislikes, failures, financial lessons, friendships, and homework challenges, I’m helping my kids grow into resilient and independent individuals.