- Insist on Cheerios for breakfast, but only if they are served dry. Make exceptions for Mondays, Thursdays, and alternate Fridays.
- If the Cheerios are not served right, express your discontent dramatically.
- Never, ever try anything unfamiliar.
- Just because yesterday’s favorite was green beans doesn’t mean you have to like them today. Changing your mind is completely acceptable, and no need to justify it.
- Be wary of anything that has ever been alive. Stick to orange, lifeless items for safety.
- Request a plethora of foods at the grocery store, then either A. Claim you never saw it upon arriving home or B. Wait for it to be cooked before rejecting it.
- Spend time learning brand names to ensure you can turn down less expensive alternatives.
- Any cooking time over 30 seconds is simply unacceptable.
- Demand updates on meal readiness every 10 seconds, and if it’s taking too long, throw a tantrum on the floor.
- If the meal ends up half frozen, it’s okay because you weren’t going to eat it anyway.
- Declare that eating on Wednesday afternoons is strictly prohibited, no questions asked.
- Ensure you have a spoon, knife, and two forks at every meal, then proceed to eat with your hands.
- Only ever eat from your favorite plate. If it’s dirty, you’ll have a meltdown.
- Make it a point to drop as much food as possible off the side of the table. After all, they say they “spend their whole lives cleaning the kitchen floor.” Help them fulfill that promise!
- Sweet potato chips? Absolutely offensive.
- Avoid sauces at all costs; they might contain blended veggies.
- Refuse to drink water, even when told, “You’ll drink it when you’re thirsty.” You’ll show them by ending up admitted to the hospital for dehydration!
- Always declare hunger while in the bath.
- Train yourself to wake up for midnight snacks of bananas.
- Casseroles, stews, and pies are suspicious; they cannot be trusted.
- Sweet potato chips are still on the list of insults.
- Kick anyone who calls broccoli “little trees” in the shins. It’s patronizing and gross.
- Avocado? No way – that’s just unacceptable!
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In summary, toddlers have their own unique set of rules when it comes to eating, from their strict preferences to their dramatic expressions of discontent. These playful guidelines remind us of the quirks that come with feeding little ones and how, in their eyes, food can be a serious matter!