Updated: Feb. 19, 2021
Originally Published: Aug. 14, 2015
I discovered the art of the hustle at the roller rink. No, not that type of hustle—get your mind out of the gutter! I’m talking about the dance. For those of you from younger generations, the Hustle was a popular move back in the day. We’d kick off our skates right in the middle of the rink and groove until the referees got irritated and forced us to either skate or vacate the floor. Let’s be honest, those rink refs could be real downers—except for a few cool ones like Gordon.
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We all fancied ourselves as stellar skaters back then, didn’t we? We could bust out the “Jungle Boogie” dance or twirl to “Wildfire.” Sure, today’s kids might be more into Snoop Dogg or the Spice Girls, but our jams were way better.
But here’s the kicker: skating taught me a crucial lesson about adulthood. Just because something was a blast in your youth doesn’t mean it’ll be enjoyable as a grown-up.
Imagine you think taking your pre-teen roller skating could be a fun outing. It sounds great in theory—you’ll finally be the “cool” mom when your daughter and her friends see your moves. But wait until you actually lace up those skates. They smell like a bizarre mix of saltwater, cheap tortilla chips, and something distinctly unpleasant. And let’s not even get into the terror of skating itself. Your hips start to twitch—not in a cute way, but more like, “please don’t let me fall and break something.” The rink’s floor feels far more slippery than you recall, and after just one shaky lap, you’re a sweaty mess, your face a lovely shade of purple.
While you’re dodging the fear of skate funk invading your feet, you realize the dream of being the cool mom is crumbling. Instead, you find yourself camped out in a plastic booth, munching on stale nachos—without even a jalapeño in sight. Just think, soon you’ll be picking tortilla chips out of your cleavage, and that’s the least of your worries.
Do you remember the thrill of the couples skate? The lights would dim, and girls would line up along the wall, waiting for a boy to pick them. You’d hold your breath, hoping to be chosen. Then Johnny, the rink’s heartthrob, would glide over, hand extended, and you’d skate together, your sweaty palms mingling. That moment felt like pure magic, at least for six minutes.
But as a parent, the narrative shifts. You start to question why the girls are being picked instead of it being a mutual decision. Is this really the lesson we want to teach? You also feel that familiar heart-stopping anxiety that your daughter might be left alone on the sidelines. You can’t bear the thought of her facing that kind of rejection. So, off you go to the concession stand for a soft pretzel and a blue slushy to distract yourself.
Then comes the moment when you see your daughter skating happily, hand-in-hand with a boy who likely won’t appreciate her the way she deserves. You realize that while you’ve shared the fear of rejection, you won’t get the joyful high of hand-holding. Instead, you’re left to wrestle with thoughts about everything from the length of her shorts to whether teaching her to walk was a mistake. You briefly wonder if neglecting to potty train her might have spared you some of these hormone-fueled dilemmas.
Nostalgia hits hard as you remember how roller skating used to go on for hours before you felt ready to leave. Yet now, just 90 minutes in, the pungent smell of sweat mixed with the latest chart-toppers makes you want to storm out like a rock star trashing a hotel room.
On the way home, while your daughter and her friends are deep in conversation, blissfully unaware of your presence, you find yourself both amused and slightly horrified by their chatter. You can feel their joy and exhaustion, and despite everything, you count the outing as a win. Just not one you’re eager to repeat anytime soon.
But hey, your daughter’s expressed interest in a hip-hop concert—now that’s a golden opportunity to reclaim your cool mom status without the rental skates! After all, the last time you took her to see a pop star, it wasn’t terrible. How bad could a hip-hop concert be?
For more insights on this journey of parenthood, you might find useful information in our other blog posts, including this one on privacy policies and their significance. Also, check out couples’ fertility journeys for expert advice on starting a family, or find guidance on fertility services at this excellent resource.
In summary, the roller rink might not be the nostalgic wonderland you remember, but it certainly provides some memorable lessons in parenting.