As I approach my 42nd birthday, I find myself steering clear of the pantry’s siren call, determined to shake off those pesky Birthday Blues. This time around, I’m focusing on the numerous reasons why this birthday holds twice the promise of turning 21.
It’s interesting how, as we age, we often romanticize our younger years as a time of carefree adventures and wild independence. But let’s be honest: my younger self was a bit of a hot mess. Back then, I truly believed I was invincible. I embarked on solo backpacking trips across Europe, traversed Australia on a whim, and took up jobs in unfamiliar states. I conquered the Alps and explored the depths of the Red Sea. Yet, the reality was that I was riddled with fears.
I worried I would never discover my true calling, leading me to jump at every career opportunity that came my way, like trying on jeans at the Gap. I feared I’d be alone forever, so I clung to relationships that were far from right. I didn’t feel worthy of the love around me, making myself as unlovable as possible. I was scared of my own strength, so I pursued every physical challenge available. I thought I was having too little fun, which led to me having way too much (not one of my biggest regrets, though). I pretended to be knowledgeable when I felt ignorant. I feared being wrong, so I never admitted it when I was. I envied what others possessed, and I tried to be someone I wasn’t.
In my 40s, I’ve shifted my perspective. I no longer view myself as fearless, but I certainly fear less. I’ve realized that to truly find my calling, I need to listen more and talk less. You can’t mute that inner voice, and trust me, it’s essential that you don’t try.
I’ve discovered that being imperfect doesn’t disqualify me from finding true love. Letting go of the need to be flawless opens me up to the possibility of genuine affection. The boundless love a parent has for their child is a profound realization, one that remains steadfast regardless of circumstances.
Strength, I now understand, isn’t solely about the challenges we choose to face, but also in how we respond to life’s unpredictable twists. My brother faced cancer during the holidays and returned to work without missing a beat; my sister, now unable to walk unassisted, lives each day with gratitude and grace.
I’m still on a quest for fun, and I’ll keep you updated on my progress. By this point in my life, I’ve accumulated enough wisdom to admit that I often feel lost. My children are my daily reminders of this reality, teaching me that saying “I don’t know” is a liberating step away from the exhausting pursuit of perfection.
Similarly, I’ve learned the weight of saying “I’m sorry,” especially when accompanied by “please forgive me.” Even though I sometimes find myself admiring others’ stylish homes or seemingly effortless lives, I mostly appreciate what I have. God provides us with what we need, not necessarily what we want. Whether it’s joy or sorrow, triumph or defeat, it’s all sufficient.
Most importantly, I’ve come to believe that I am enough. This includes my imperfections and quirks. Sure, I still have fears—parenthood amplifies the world’s dangers. I worry about reckless drivers in our neighborhood and hidden threats lurking everywhere. But my greatest concern is not having enough time with loved ones and not cherishing that time to its fullest.
So, as I turn 42, these are the fears I aim to conquer. Just wait—by the time I hit 84, I might have it all figured out! If you’re interested in more about home insemination, check out this post on Intracervical Insemination, which is an excellent resource, and for practical tips, visit Cryobaby. For a deeper understanding of the process, you can explore in vitro fertilisation.
Summary
As I approach my 42nd birthday, I reflect on my past and acknowledge the fears associated with aging and parenthood. Embracing imperfection, understanding love, and learning to appreciate my journey have made this milestone feel like a new beginning rather than a reflection on lost youth.