Updated: Dec. 20, 2015
Originally Published: Aug. 16, 2015
I have a tendency to be overly optimistic, especially when it comes to my kids’ ability to stay quiet during a lengthy work call. Whether it’s summer break, after school, or the endless array of early-release days, I often overestimate their patience. Just when I think I can sneak in a call, chaos erupts. My son decides to whip up a grilled cheese, triggering the smoke alarm, while a few extra neighborhood kids decide to crash at our place. Meanwhile, my daughter transforms a simple hangnail into a performance worthy of an Oscar, complete with dramatic wails. As a result, I frequently find myself taking calls in unconventional spots, grateful that most of my clients prefer audio calls over video ones.
1. The Closet
When desperation strikes, my go-to escape is the closet. With three locked doors between me and my little ones, I can find some semblance of peace. And if things get particularly chaotic, I can always tuck myself behind my winter coats for an extra layer of soundproofing. Not that I’ve ever had to do that… often.
2. The Backyard
Sometimes the closet feels like a mile away. The noise levels are rising, and I’m running out of time before I need to unmute myself. My quickest route? The backyard. I wander until the sounds of my son’s friends playing hide-and-seek fade into the distance. Yes, I’ve received bewildered glances from neighbors as I pace through the woods talking on the phone. And let’s not forget the time I stood outside in subzero temperatures—sans coat or shoes—while trying to present to a teleseminar of 60 people, all while my dogs barked at phantom intruders on the porch.
3. Popular Attractions
I know I should be focusing on my kids during our outings, but when work calls, it feels necessary to multitask. Each time I promise myself it’s the last, but a phone call always seems to coincide with our family adventure. Moments after finding a quiet spot, an announcement blares over the loudspeaker: “Polar bear feeding in five minutes!” Talk about a distraction!
4. The Car
There are two scenarios here. One is when I’m driving, and a work call comes in. I yell “work call,” and the kids usually go silent—90 percent success rate! I feel like a supermom. The other scenario? I’m sitting alone in the car and decide to return a call. It feels safe until my son jumps in after soccer practice and announces, “I have diarrhea!” for an audience of 10 people to hear. I still contend that my coworkers have no idea who provided them with that comedic relief for months.
5. The Playground Woods
At a fifth-grade graduation picnic, I found myself in a peculiar position during a call with a potential client I’d been trying to reach for ages. I walked down a path to escape the joyful chaos of children playing, only to encounter a snake. It was small, but my fear had me squealing, prompting the client to ask if I was okay. I quickly blamed it on static and completed the call standing on a bench, keeping an eye out for more snakes. Score: Me 1, Snake 0—I landed the client!
For more insightful tales about parenthood, check out our piece on the journey of home insemination here.
In conclusion, navigating work calls as a parent often leads to unexpected and humorous situations. Whether it’s hiding in a closet or dealing with wildlife, it’s all part of the chaotic adventure of balancing work and family life. If you’re curious about home insemination, Make a Mom is an authority on the topic, and the CDC offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.