Here are ten reasons why the county fair—rather than your well-meaning parent—is the real fun drain in this scenario:
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The Rides
Those metal contraptions deserve a lot of skepticism. Sure, accidents are infrequent, but let’s not forget the time I witnessed someone lose their lunch on a ride that was upside down. The projectile vomit then hit another rider right in the face. If that’s not a reason to skip the rides, I don’t know what is. -
The Chaos
With parades running 20 minutes late, and food stalls running out of essential ingredients before noon, organization is clearly not the fair’s strong suit. As families wait under the magic show tent, faint hope of seeing a performance quickly fades, leaving everyone to ponder the mystery of “when will it start?” -
The Heat
The temperature at fairs is always a gamble, fluctuating between “it’s too hot to function” and “please, just take me home.” Whoever invents outdoor air conditioning will be a millionaire overnight. -
The Food Experience
As we approach the fairground, the nostalgic smells beckon, but don’t be fooled. The prices for beer and brats rival those of a nice sit-down restaurant with none of the quality. Everything is sticky—cotton candy, spilled drinks, and condiments. After opening day, every surface is like the backside of duct tape. -
The Goldfish Trap
I prided myself on avoiding fair fish for eight years of parenting, but that pride was short-lived. Why can’t the ring toss operators allow kids to learn about losing gracefully? Instead, I ended up spending $50 on fish supplies after my kids insisted on bringing home a pet we never intended to have. -
The Pushy Vendors
Scattered throughout the fair are vendors trying to peddle their wares to disinterested visitors. “Care to invest in a timeshare in the middle of nowhere?” or “How about a hot tub that’s seen 10,000 guests?” Their relentless pitches can be exhausting. -
The Fair Crowd
Where do these people come from? There are rude adults pushing past children and grandparents who find humor in their grandkids making a mess. Add to that the line-cutters and litterbugs, and it’s a wonder we can teach our kids about manners when others seem oblivious. -
The Children’s Hall of Regret
Forget about 4-H; the displays of kids’ photography, baking, and crafts serve as a not-so-gentle reminder of what we should have been doing with our free time. Entering this hall feels like being confronted with parental inadequacy. -
The Gross Factor
The seating at the race track is sticky and covered in unsavory remnants. The bathroom options are limited to hot, stinky portables or barely better indoor facilities. And why do so many women overlook the feminine product receptacles? Litter is everywhere, making the fairgrounds feel less than pristine. -
The Expenses
Attending the fair can feel like a shopping spree at Target, but with no air conditioning and less meaningful souvenirs—just a couple of barely-alive fish and inflatable toys that will likely deflate before we leave the parking lot.
I can now understand why my mom wasn’t fond of the fair, yet she took us anyway. As a nod to her, I plan to brave the fair with my older kids, despite my reservations about airborne vomit. I’ll be sure to pack plenty of baby wipes, so if you need some, just look for me sipping a lukewarm Coors in the empty hot tubs. For more related information, check out our other blog posts here.
Summary
While the county fair promises excitement and nostalgia, it can often turn into a chaotic and sticky experience. From questionable rides and disorganization to the exorbitant costs, it’s no wonder some parents dread the annual event. However, the memories created can still make it worthwhile.