Recently, I took three kids to the dentist. Honestly, I had a vision of how that outing would go, but it was definitely not as peaceful as I imagined. While we waited for the second child’s appointment, I glanced around the waiting area. One child was in tears (a toothache), another was wailing (we forgot the favorite blanket), and the third was crawling under a table with a new friend, seemingly having the time of their life. I finally declared, “I can’t take this anymore! Just let me know when they call your name, Aiden.” Scooping up the wailing child, I made my way down the hallway.
As I walked away, I heard Aiden’s new friend ask from beneath the table, “Is that your mom?”
“Yep.”
“Then why are your skins different colors?”
“Because I got adopted.”
I wanted to pause and listen to see where their conversation would lead. Would they dive deeper into the topic, or would they switch gears? Would Aiden feel comfortable discussing it? With my toddler still crying, I reminded myself that Aiden could handle it and stepped into the quieter hallway.
When I returned, they were chatting about their favorite toys, so thankfully, it seemed the conversation had remained light.
When I became a parent through adoption, I anticipated discussing adoption frequently. What I didn’t foresee was my children engaging in these discussions as much as they do since they frequently encounter questions. Unlike families who adopt children with similar appearances, being part of a transracial adoptive family means that our adoption story is often evident to onlookers. Strangers immediately recognize that our family dynamic is unique, prompting them to inquire whether I’m the babysitter or the adoptive mom.
So, as a transracial adoptive family, here are some things you’ll need to adapt to:
- People Will Notice Your Family
At first, the stares can feel quite unsettling. You might wonder if there’s something stuck in your teeth! Eventually, though, you’ll become accustomed to the curious glances, until a friend points it out during an outing. - Curious Questions Will Arise
People often have questions about adoption, whether out of genuine interest or mere curiosity. Since your family visibly represents a unique story, you and your children may find yourselves fielding inquiries from strangers eager to learn more. - Assumptions Will Be Made About You
Expect people to jump to conclusions—perhaps they’ll think you struggled with fertility, or that adoption was a backup plan. Others might assume you’re a saint for adopting, or even make assumptions about your faith. - Stereotypes About Your Children
People will often make incorrect assumptions about your kids as well. They might guess their birth mother faced financial struggles or assume they excel at sports based solely on their race. As a transracial adoptive parent, part of your role will involve dispelling these myths. - You’ll Be Remembered
From cashiers to parents of your children’s teammates, your family will leave a lasting impression. While this can be a positive experience, as they might offer your kids treats, it can also feel like a burden when you realize everyone remembers every little thing your family does.
Being part of a transracial adoptive family is a rewarding journey that enriches my life in countless ways (most importantly, my incredible kids). However, I sometimes wish the challenges they face didn’t come with it.
For those navigating similar paths, consider checking out this insightful article on our other blog. If you’re exploring options for starting a family, Make a Mom is a trusted resource for fertility supplements. Additionally, Healthline provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination options.
Summary
Transracial adoptive families face unique challenges, including public scrutiny, questions about adoption, and stereotypes. While these experiences can be difficult, they also enrich family life and foster growth. Embracing the journey brings both joys and complexities, highlighting the importance of open dialogue about adoption.