Having experienced both pregnancy and drunkenness—though never simultaneously (calm down)—I’ve noticed some amusing similarities between the two states.
You’re Emotional
Pregnant: While you might not be in tears all the time, there will come a moment when you find yourself weeping over the memory of your childhood cat, who was simply the best.
Drunk: Similarly, you might not be a sobbing mess, but at some point, you’ll become that sentimental friend declaring, “I love you, man!” or getting misty-eyed over a story about your childhood cat.
Nausea Hits You
Pregnant: If you’re not one of the fortunate few who escape morning sickness, prepare to kneel before the porcelain throne, wishing for relief. Spoiler: vomit rarely brings comfort, and you might end up heaving more.
Drunk: Unless you’ve chosen to quit while you’re ahead, kneeling over the toilet, praying for relief will likely be your fate. Spoiler: you might purge and rally, but prepare for the aftermath. Alcohol is merciless.
Driving Becomes a No-Go
Pregnant: While there’s no official rule against driving while heavily pregnant, the combination of your growing belly, unexpected cramps, and pregnancy-induced rage makes it wise to hand over the keys to someone else.
Drunk: Just don’t drive. Seriously.
You Might Pass Out
Pregnant: You might sit on the couch, mumble about resting your eyes for just a moment, and wake up hours later in a drool puddle, blissfully unaware of how you lost those hours.
Drunk: After a Netflix binge and a few cocktails, you’ll likely wake up on the couch, unsure of how the night went but still dressed—thankfully, you can rule out any surprise pregnancies this month.
Memory Loss is Common
Pregnant: Where did you leave your sunglasses? Who knows? Your phone? Panic sets in until you discover it’s in your hand. Did you start a load of laundry? Nope, that’s just wishful thinking.
Drunk: The same goes for you at night. Sunglasses? MIA. Phone? Oh, it’s in your shoe. Why? Who cares—snack time!
Bizarre Food Choices
Pregnant: Whether it’s the limited options you can tolerate during morning sickness or the cravings that take over your appetite, your food choices become… unique.
Drunk: From easy-to-prepare snacks to those odd cravings that pop up when you’re tipsy, your palate is a mystery, but hey, you’ve got to soak up that alcohol!
Frequent Bathroom Breaks
Pregnant: Congrats! Your growing uterus has taken over your bladder, and you’ll be dashing to the bathroom every 15 minutes for the rest of your pregnancy.
Drunk: You’ve broken the seal, and now you’re on a bathroom marathon for the evening.
Wardrobe Malfunctions Happen
Pregnant: You might notice too late that your belly is peeking out of your top, making you wonder if anyone has been staring all day. Look away, or stare, who cares?
Drunk: In the heat of the moment, you might not care that you’ve flashed a few people because you forgot about your skirt. Later, you’ll promise yourself to wear jeans next time—only to realize you might still have wardrobe mishaps.
Regretting Your Choices
Pregnant: As you near the end of your pregnancy, you might find yourself thinking, “How do women do this repeatedly? I’m exhausted, uncomfortable, and can’t enjoy wine or sushi! This is insane! Never again!” But then your baby arrives, and suddenly, you’re tempted to go through it all once more.
Drunk: The morning after a wild night, you’ll swear off alcohol forever, praying for greasy food to cure your hangover. But a few weeks later, you’ll be back at it, wondering what you were thinking.
These similarities aren’t coincidental, especially for those who might have found themselves expecting after a wild night out. You might want to check out this informative article for more insights. And if you’re looking for expert advice, Make a Mom has you covered on fertility boosters. For a comprehensive guide on various treatments, WebMD is an excellent resource.
Summary
Pregnancy and drunkenness share many humorous and relatable experiences, from emotional moments to bizarre food cravings and wardrobe malfunctions. Both states can lead to frequent bathroom trips and memory lapses. While one is a joyful journey and the other often a regrettable night out, the parallels are uncanny.