As of yesterday, I celebrated 16 wonderful years of marriage with my partner, Cheddar (yes, that’s his cheesy nickname). We’re genuinely happy together, and I want to share some insights into what keeps our marriage thriving. Rather than just highlighting the positives, I think it’s valuable to discuss what we consciously avoid doing to maintain our bliss.
Over the years, I’ve observed various relationships, and certain behaviors can lead to or worsen issues within a marriage. Here’s what my partner and I don’t do, and perhaps this is why we’re still happily together after all this time.
- We don’t cast blame.
When things go awry—whether it’s household chores, parenting, or finances—it’s easy to point fingers. But we’re a team, and tackling challenges together fosters unity. Blaming only deepens divides. - We steer clear of mind games.
We communicate openly and directly, ensuring that we say what we truly mean. There’s no room for manipulative tactics or silent treatments in our relationship. We’ve seen how exhausting those games can be; instead, we prefer clarity and kindness. - We don’t overanalyze each other’s words.
Thanks to our straightforward communication, we don’t spend time worrying about hidden feelings. If something is unclear, we ask instead of assuming. This openness significantly reduces misunderstandings. - We don’t hold onto grudges.
Neither of us is inclined to keep scores. When disagreements arise, we express our feelings, resolve them, and move on. Holding grudges only complicates things unnecessarily. - We don’t vent about each other to others.
Complaining about your spouse to friends can create more harm than good. While it’s okay to seek advice, we avoid publicly criticizing each other. - We don’t share every single thought.
Even though we’re quite open, we practice discernment. I don’t share things that might cause unnecessary worry, and I’m sure Cheddar does the same. Some thoughts are meant to be kept private, which can be healthy. - We don’t allow jealousy to creep in.
Cheddar admires certain celebrities, and I have my own crushes. We trust each other and know our relationship is strong, so there’s no room for jealousy. - We don’t expect to fulfill every need for one another.
While we support each other in many ways, we recognize the importance of spending time with friends or enjoying solitude. Everyone needs a little space sometimes. - We don’t let life or parenting overshadow our marriage.
This can be challenging, especially with young kids. We strive to prioritize our relationship, often checking in with each other to reaffirm our unity. - We don’t trivialize the role of physical intimacy.
This aspect of our relationship is important, and we recognize its significance without making it a source of pressure. - We don’t neglect each other’s love languages.
Understanding each other’s love languages—like Cheddar’s preference for physical affection and mine for acts of service—helps us express love in ways that matter most. - We don’t take each other for granted.
I appreciate all that Cheddar does, from being a great dad to managing the household. He, in turn, acknowledges the hard work I put into our family’s education and well-being. - We don’t focus on each other’s flaws.
We both have imperfections, but we choose to highlight the good and embrace quirks as charming rather than annoying. - We don’t engage in fights.
While disagreements arise, we’ve never had what I’d call a fight. We don’t yell or insult each other; instead, we maintain respect and understanding. - We don’t take ourselves too seriously.
A little silliness goes a long way. We enjoy laughing and sharing inside jokes, which keeps our spirits light and fun. - We don’t see marriage as a burden.
While it’s not always effortless, we believe a healthy marriage is nurturing. If things ever feel too difficult, we’re open to seeking help together.
We’re far from perfect, but our relationship is something we cherish. Here’s to many more years of happiness together!
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Summary:
This article discusses 16 habits to avoid for a happy marriage, emphasizing the importance of communication, trust, and mutual respect. By steering clear of blame, jealousy, and unnecessary conflicts, couples can maintain a joyful and supportive partnership.