As a child, I was gripped by a profound anxiety about music. Despite my passion for singing and a strong desire to excel, my sense of pitch was far from reliable. I persevered through voice and piano lessons, struggling to replicate the melodies my instructors demonstrated. Each lesson left me drenched in sweat from anxiety. Why was singing a simple major scale so challenging? The moment my teacher played do-re-mi and looked at me with anticipation, I could feel the sweat beads forming; I desperately wanted to succeed, but my efforts often fell short. My anxiety became a deafening roar that overshadowed every aspect of the lesson. Eventually, I set aside music for nearly two decades.
Recently, my son had his first violin lesson. The teacher began by singing a scale and asking him to echo it back. Initially, he didn’t grasp the task and resisted (he’s just five, and he often declines to do many things), but with some encouragement, he finally summoned the courage to attempt it. From the kitchen, I felt my palms sweating in sympathy, yet he didn’t appear anxious. He looked a bit puzzled but remained calm. Later, he joyfully sang songs to me.
Research reveals that parents can unintentionally pass on anxiety related to specific subjects, particularly math, to their children. According to a study reported by Julia Harper in a parenting blog, parents with significant math anxiety who frequently assist with their kids’ math homework can influence their children’s feelings toward the subject.
Studies examining the impact of fear on learning indicate that my intense feelings about music are similar to how many individuals experience math anxiety. Harper notes that in children with math anxiety, the brain areas responsible for managing negative emotions are hyperactive, while the regions for problem-solving are underactive. Essentially, their fear obstructs their ability to tackle math problems effectively. The more math-anxious a parent is when assisting with homework, the more detrimental the effect on their children. This is understandable—if math feels like an uphill battle filled with anxiety for you, your child is unlikely to view it as an enjoyable challenge.
This issue is particularly relevant today, as children are learning math differently than previous generations. The introduction of Common Core standards has led to teaching methods that are often more intuitive compared to the rote learning many of us experienced. As a result, we may struggle to assist our children with these new approaches, leading to frustration for both parties.
So, what can we do? One option is to allow children to work independently on their math assignments or seek guidance from their teachers or tutors. Another approach is to familiarize ourselves with these new teaching methods. The lead researcher from the study emphasized the importance of providing resources to parents so they can effectively support their children at home.
I’ve recently resumed my music lessons, and being older, along with finding a kind and patient instructor, has significantly reduced my anxiety. However, I still fear that my past anxieties might resurface and affect my son. I want us to share joyful musical moments without the weight of perfectionism.
I suspect that math might follow a similar trajectory; I found it challenging as well, and my anxiety often overshadowed my ability to learn. Who knows—my son may encounter difficulties in different subjects altogether. Regardless of his challenges, I hope he can approach them with composure, allowing the joy of learning to shine through.
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Summary
In conclusion, parental anxiety—especially regarding math—can significantly impact children’s attitudes toward the subject. It is vital to be aware of how our feelings might influence our kids and to find strategies that foster a positive learning environment.