My daughter has explored a variety of sports, from the usual soccer and swimming to the less typical ice skating and karate. While she showed promise in each, none sparked genuine enthusiasm. What began as excitement quickly turned into a struggle just to get her to practices. I often wrestled with the idea of letting her quit each time—shouldn’t I instill the importance of perseverance? Yet, I would ultimately give in, recognizing that investing time and money into activities she didn’t enjoy was pointless. After all, I was a quitter too. Throughout my own childhood, I abandoned dance, gymnastics, basketball, and more. Like my daughter, I found my passion in books and academics rather than sports, and I turned out just fine.
I always hoped my daughter would develop an appreciation for physical activity that I missed out on, so I kept introducing her to new options, wishing one would stick. Then, about a year and a half ago, when she was 10, we finally found a gem: tennis. Inspired by her interest, I decided to join her in the sport.
She quickly advanced through recreational classes and was soon invited to join the high-performance program. I took private lessons myself and reached a level where I could be an alternate on the club’s doubles team. We even bought a ball caddy filled with dozens of pink tennis balls and practiced our serves together at our local court. Last summer, we attended a professional tournament, and I’ll never forget the delight in her eyes as we watched top female players compete just a few feet away.
As her skills improved, her coach frequently praised her rapid progress. I tried to encourage her to enter local tournaments, but she always declined. When registration for our YMCA’s tennis team opened this spring, she reluctantly agreed to join but expressed her dread about practices and begged me not to push her to challenge others for a higher ranking.
One day, her dad asked if she truly enjoyed tennis. While she always reassured me that she did, I began to have my doubts. When I asked if she envisioned herself playing competitively, she mumbled a hesitant “maybe” while staring at the ground. Around this time, she also started experiencing stomachaches before lessons.
Concerned, I gently approached her about whether she was enjoying tennis. She admitted that she was disappointed and suggested we reduce her commitment over the summer to just one lesson per week. I was at a loss. On one hand, the cost of lessons and equipment was significant for us, and I wanted her to excel as her younger brother thrived in gymnastics. On the other hand, I wanted her to spend her time and my money on activities she genuinely loved.
As the deadline for fall session sign-ups drew near, I brought it up again. When I asked her why she wanted to continue with tennis, she burst into tears. Between sobs, she confessed her desire to quit but felt guilty about all the money I had invested, thinking it would all be wasted. I understood her perspective—what I spent on lessons and gear could have funded a lovely trip to Europe. I explained the idea of “sunk costs” and how we shouldn’t continue pouring resources into something she doesn’t love simply because we already had. I handed her a tissue and told her how proud I was of her honesty.
That evening, we made the final decision to step back from tennis. I was both relieved and surprised that she was truly quitting, although I framed it to her and her coach as a break. Maybe she’ll return to tennis one day, but if not, that’s perfectly fine. I’d rather see her invest her time in activities that ignite her passion.
I still grapple with the balance of when to encourage perseverance and when to embrace quitting. The notion that one must “stick it out” has led me to remain in unhealthy situations, and I certainly don’t want that for my daughter. Yet, I also recognize that not everything in life will be easy. What about that famous Vince Lombardi quote that “winners never quit and quitters never win”? No one wants their child to be labeled a quitter.
However, she’s certainly not a quitter in everything. She’s a talented musician, mastering three instruments without complaint, a dedicated student who manages her homework independently, and a creative artist who can lose herself in sketching for hours. So she may not be a tennis player—that’s perfectly okay.
I’ve maintained that she engage in some form of physical activity, and she’s now excited to try fencing. Anyone interested in trading a tennis racquet for an épée?
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In summary, while it’s natural to want to see our children stick with activities, it’s equally important to recognize when something isn’t right for them. My daughter may have stepped away from tennis, but her journey in finding her passions continues.