As a parent of a child with unique needs, I remember the challenges of navigating social situations. My oldest child, diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of three, often faced difficulties that many of his peers did not. Eight years ago, when he started middle school, I found myself trying to arrange for him to walk or bike to school with neighborhood friends. I noticed that other parents weren’t making similar efforts, but my son struggled to understand social cues and needed help reaching out.
“Could the boys ride together to school?” I asked one of the parents.
“I’m not sure what they’ve planned,” she replied.
“How about we try it for a few days?” I suggested.
“I’ll check,” she responded.
After three days, it became clear that my son would have to go alone. He wasn’t able to keep pace with the others, and they had their own agenda. I understand now that my youngest has a different approach; he independently makes plans with his friends without my intervention. While I don’t believe those parents were unkind, I wish they had considered how to include my son in a way that suited everyone.
It can be tough to navigate the varying needs among families. I often found myself more involved than others, asking parents about their children’s after-school plans long before the school year began. I was the one hosting gatherings and ensuring my home was a welcoming space for my son and his friends. It’s a role that can bewilder other parents who may not have children with similar challenges.
Please know that my inquiries aren’t about micromanaging my child’s friendships. Years ago, I was teaching him how to initiate plans because he couldn’t do so independently. While other kids were exploring social opportunities with less oversight, mine needed support to navigate the complexities of middle school social dynamics.
I realize it’s not your obligation to watch out for my child, but I hope you can empathize with what it’s like for a parent with a child who struggles socially. Picture how meaningful it would be if a fellow parent or child extended a hand; it could be the difference between inclusion and exclusion. Here are some ways you can help:
- Ask what they need: When my son was invited to a birthday party at a loud venue, the hosting family took the time to ask us how to make it comfortable for him to join. Their kindness and willingness to accommodate made a huge difference.
- Be open to trying something new: Sometimes parents hesitate to commit their kids to ongoing plans. Suggest trying something for a week to see how it works for everyone involved.
- Empower children to create community: Encourage kids to think about how to include all kinds of friends. Building a more inclusive environment should be a priority, but let them decide how to get there.
- Trust that I have a reason for my involvement: If my actions seem puzzling, please assume there’s a good explanation behind my concerns. Transitions can be particularly difficult for children on the autism spectrum. Before significant changes, I would prepare my son through various activities, from visiting the new school to meeting his teachers. It might seem excessive, but it was necessary for him to feel secure and participate fully.
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In summary, being proactive and supportive in our children’s social lives can create a more inclusive environment for everyone. Together, we can ensure that all kids, regardless of their unique needs, feel valued and included.