Updated: April 6, 2021
Originally Published: Oct. 3, 2015
“Don’t swim if you don’t want to,” said the graceful older woman with shimmering azure eyes and flowing gray hair. I distinctly remember her hair because she seemed entranced by mine, gently stroking my long, chestnut locks as she spoke, her ocean-like gaze probing my green ones. We were far from any pool, and at that moment, I had no idea what her words truly signified. She was living with Alzheimer’s, and I heard her message long before I became a parent. During our visit to my husband’s grandfather in a hospital for Alzheimer’s patients, this woman felt a connection to me; the nurse suggested I might remind her of someone from her past. So, I sat there, allowing her to caress my hair as she repeatedly spoke of swimming, occasionally cupping my face to gaze into my eyes. Since that encounter, I have reflected on her words as a metaphor—don’t engage in what you don’t wish to do—but recently, I’ve been applying them more concretely in my parenting journey with my son.
My son is nearly six and still doesn’t know how to swim. I’ve echoed her sentiment: “If you don’t want to swim, don’t swim.” However, swimming is essential for safety, so he needs to learn. If he’s reluctant, that’s understandable, but he must know how to do it. Despite our persistent efforts, he remains terrified of water. When he was just two, we visited the beach and had access to an in-ground pool surrounded by a fence. He wouldn’t even approach the other side of it. We tried to coax him, offered rewards, and eventually got him to stand by the pool on the last day of our trip. He screamed the entire two minutes we kept him there, and finally, we realized we might be causing more harm than good, so we decided to pause our attempts.
The next opportunity came when we enrolled him in swim classes the following year. My husband joined him for the Mommy and Me sessions. At three years old, our son clung to my husband while the other kids splashed around. He refused to even attempt swimming. We didn’t want to pressure him, so he remained in flotation devices and has never been in the water without an adult. This pattern has repeated itself year after year, with swim classes, beach outings, and visits to my siblings’ pools, yet he continues to avoid swimming. Initially, we thought it was due to his strong-willed nature or a lack of adventurous spirit, but he is indeed strong-willed; he’s simply never resisted anything as much as this. In fact, he is quite adventurous in many other aspects—he loves meeting new friends, sampling exotic foods, exploring new summer camps, and eagerly trying his hand at musical instruments or wading into creeks to catch crawfish. But swimming? That’s a different story.
With his sixth birthday approaching next week and a trip planned to my brother’s place in California, where we’ll visit a water park by the end of August, he must learn to swim. So, last night, my husband kicked off our nightly pool trips at the YMCA. My son sat on the pool steps for 45 minutes, voicing every reason he didn’t want to swim. But at long last, he stepped in. And finally, he kicked his legs and attempted to swim.
As I tucked him into bed, he recounted his experience, and I could sense his disappointment at how long it took him to muster the courage to enter the water. He expressed embarrassment at being almost six and not knowing how to swim. I took the time to explain why it’s crucial for him to learn and reassured him that he simply needed to do his best. I emphasized that as long as he tries, there’s nothing to be ashamed of; if he doesn’t even attempt it, he’ll never discover his own potential. As we snuggled together, he wrapped his arms around my neck and whispered, “I’ll just try harder tomorrow.”
Isn’t that what we all should do? Just strive a little harder each day. As I lay beside him, I recalled that woman from the hospital years ago, conveying a message that resonated deeply: If we don’t want to swim, we don’t have to, but if we never try, how will we ever know? I hope my son learns this lesson—embrace new experiences and be courageous. If, after giving it a shot, he decides it’s not for him, that’s perfectly fine. What truly matters is the effort.
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Summary
This article reflects on the importance of trying new things and facing fears, as demonstrated through a mother’s experiences teaching her son how to swim. It highlights the significance of effort and courage in overcoming challenges, drawing inspiration from a meaningful encounter with an Alzheimer’s patient. Ultimately, it encourages both parents and children to embrace the idea of giving their best and trying harder each day.