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- Embracing Confidence as a Mom by Laura Green
- Updated: May 14, 2020
- Originally Published: Oct. 3, 2015
I used to believe that motherhood wouldn’t significantly disrupt my life. I envisioned myself working full-time, enjoying evenings out with friends, and never facing difficulties finding a babysitter. Sick kids? No problem, Grandma would swoop in to save the day. My husband and I would still enjoy annual family vacations and even sneak in a trip just for us. Heels would remain a staple in my wardrobe until I could no longer walk in them, probably at age 90. Makeup? Never an option to skip. Regular salon visits would be a breeze, and weekends would always be about catching up on sleep. My kids would be impeccably dressed, with no chance of ever watching a show like Dora. If I had a daughter, her hair would always be styled, and bedtime would feature warm bubble baths and cozy snuggles whenever they wanted.
However, my priorities have shifted dramatically since welcoming two children who have filled a void in my heart I didn’t even know existed. I adore them completely, but the reality is, I often feel lost in this new role.
I made the decision to become a stay-at-home mom when my daughter was only nine months old, shortly after relocating to a new state—far from family, friends, and support. It was a choice driven by the uncertainty of finding reliable daycare or a job that matched my previous career. Staying home felt safe, and I thought, “I can always return to work later.”
Now, my days consist mainly of filling sippy cups, wiping noses, and mediating sibling disputes. When my kids are sick, I’m often just as unwell—feeling completely overwhelmed when my husband is off on a business trip while I’m left alone with two cranky children. After five years, my husband and I still haven’t had that adult getaway; we’ve only managed one family vacation because, let’s be honest, travel can be financially draining. (Edit: We recently enjoyed our first kid-free trip, and it was pure bliss!)
And speaking of expenses, hiring a babysitter is a luxury I can rarely afford. Instead of date nights, I find myself using that budget for necessary doctor and dentist visits—appointments that are often booked months in advance. Women’s clothing? My heels have long since been replaced by yoga pants and T-shirts, which are comfy, affordable, and simple to clean. I know exactly what size I need when I’m in a rush at Old Navy while my son protests from the stroller. Makeup? That’s a joke in my current reality.
Honestly, I often feel out of my depth. Most days, I’m just trying to keep my head above water in a situation I never expected. I question everything: Wasn’t I supposed to be at work today? Why do I have these stretch marks? Is there any chance I can call Grandma to help take Layla to her doctor’s appointment while Jack attends his beloved swim class? I love my kids deeply and wouldn’t change a thing, but wow, this is not how I envisioned motherhood.
I often find myself envious of those confident moms who seem to navigate parenting effortlessly. I feel like I’m failing at this. Every night, I go to bed battling guilt—too much screen time, not enough outdoor play, messy hair, missed vitamins, and forgotten needs. Here I am, writing about my struggles while one child naps and I’m trying to calm the other. Yep, I’m the queen of guilt.
I can’t shake the feeling that my children deserve more than I’m providing. Perhaps it’s because they’re growing up in a vastly different environment than I did. My grandparents lived just next door, and if I desired ice cream, I’d simply stroll over. Now, my kids’ grandparents are thousands of miles away. Maybe if we had family nearby, I’d feel more assured and energized knowing help was just a call away.
I genuinely treasure my time with my children. As I send my oldest off to kindergarten, I’m grateful for the past five years spent together. Yet, I miss the social interactions and responsibilities that came with working. Why isn’t raising future citizens enough for me? I know the answer: I secretly dislike crafts and can’t handle the smell of milk or dirty diapers. It’s all so overwhelming.
Motherhood can be incredibly challenging, especially when you enter it with the expectation that your life will remain unchanged. So, if you’re reading this and resonate with my former self (yes, I’m talking to you, expectant mothers sitting at your desks in cozy shoes), let go of those preconceived notions. Life gets chaotic with kids—more than just the messes. They will turn your life upside down and introduce you to a love beyond anything you can imagine. Trust in your ability to handle it, but don’t stress about keeping everything exactly as it was.
In a world obsessed with showcasing perfect parenting on platforms like Pinterest, we often forget to share our struggles. I may never fully find my footing in motherhood. My children are growing, and just when I think I have it all figured out, everything changes. I can’t be the only one feeling this way, am I?
Today, I’ll celebrate the fact that if I feel overwhelmed, it’s a good sign I’m probably not alone.
So, if you’re feeling inadequate as a mother, welcome to the club. If you experience mom guilt every night, you’re in good company. If you haven’t ventured outside in two days because the thought of managing your little circus feels daunting, that’s perfectly fine. Your kids will love you unconditionally, no matter what.
You lose a part of yourself when you embark on this journey as a mom, but perhaps that’s what you needed all along. And let’s be real—yoga pants are quite comfy.
In summary: My kids love their shows, and I’m just a hot mess trying my best while navigating the ups and downs of motherhood. That’s the reality of it, friends.
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