When my partner moved out six years ago, my first instinct was to purchase a new bed. Not just any bed, but a luxurious Tempur-Pedic that set me back nearly $4,000—a hefty expense for someone on a tight budget. While it might not have been the wisest financial choice, I firmly believe it was the best investment I ever made. It represented more than just a new mattress; I simply couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping in the same bed that had been the backdrop for countless late-night arguments and empty apologies. Additionally, I had been struggling with severe stress-induced insomnia during the latter part of my relationship, and this fancy new bed promised some much-needed comfort.
Along with upgrading to a king-sized bed—though I questioned how practical that was, considering I was the only one using it—I wanted to completely overhaul my sleeping environment and start anew. The kids were only 5 and 2 years old at the time, and I remember the winter weekend when I had to sit them down to explain that “Daddy isn’t going to live with us anymore.” They were far too young to grasp the significance of those words, but I recognized that their lives had irrevocably changed. So, I set out to embrace our new situation by creating fresh traditions for us as a family.
What began as well-meaning, perhaps overly optimistic ideas has turned into lasting customs that have stood the test of time. One of the first was our Sunday Fun Day. On randomly selected Sundays, I wake the kids, entice them to get ready quickly with the promise of doughnuts, and whisk them off to a surprise destination. As we drive, their excitement grows, fueled by sugar, as they guess where we’re headed. Over the years, we’ve explored the zoo, gone apple and pumpkin picking, tried ice-skating and trampolining, visited all the Smithsonian museums, enjoyed various performances, and even ventured to Baltimore to check out the National Aquarium and the Maryland Science Center.
Another cherished tradition is our matching Christmas Eve pajamas, which originated during that first year we decorated our tree without their dad. Initially, I chose the patterns, but now they eagerly spend weeks browsing catalogs for the perfect set. I may cringe when they insist I wear festive Star Wars-themed long johns, but I’ve saved every year’s pajamas with the hope of turning them into quilts someday.
Their absolute favorite new custom, however, is Sleepover Night. It emerged as a way to comfort my daughter when her father didn’t show up one evening. I invited her to snuggle in my bed, put on a movie, and made popcorn, dubbing it a sleepover. We’ve stuck to that routine nearly every weekend since. Once my son graduated from his crib, we welcomed him into the fold.
Sleepover Night has evolved over time, of course. A few years ago, we had to transition my son out of the bed due to his restless sleeping (he now occupies a chaise lounge nearby). The movie choices have shifted from Pixar to more Marvel content, and our popcorn production has become a bit sporadic. Occasionally, we have to skip Sleepover Night due to other commitments, but sometimes, due to snowstorms, illnesses, or school holidays, it stretches into an extra night or two.
The bed, fully paid off now, remains a sanctuary. It was even dubbed “Bed Island” for two weeks during our flooring renovations when it was the only uncovered surface in the house. Whenever someone feels down, it’s my bed they crawl into for comfort.
Just last night, the kids retrieved their Star Wars holiday pajamas and insisted I wear mine too for Sleepover Night. Now 11 and 8, I can’t help but wonder how much longer they’ll want to spend weekend nights eating popcorn and watching movies with their mom, let alone wearing matching pajamas. When I asked if they’d still want sleepovers as teenagers, they emphatically responded, “Of course!” But when I probed about college, my daughter assured me, “I’ll come home every weekend.” I smiled, knowing that life will inevitably change again, but we’ll continue to find ways to create new traditions.
Then we all snuggled onto the bed and hit play.
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In summary, navigating the post-separation life has brought challenges, but with the right traditions, I’ve managed to create a nurturing environment for my children. Investing in that new bed not only provided comfort but also helped lay the groundwork for a new family dynamic filled with love, laughter, and shared experiences.