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The Reality of Parenting: A Raw Reflection
Navigating the Chaos of Parenthood
I’m about to share some thoughts that might raise eyebrows, spark judgment, or make some people question my parenting credentials. But it’s time to be honest.
Here’s my truth: I adore my child more than anything else in my life. If it ever came down to my life or hers, I wouldn’t think twice; I’d choose to sacrifice myself without hesitation. Yet, when someone asks if I love being a parent, my answer is often a resounding NO.
I know this might sound harsh. You might even find yourself thinking what many moms do when they hear someone voicing their frustrations about parenting: “If you didn’t want to be a parent, why did you have a child?” I get it. There are countless women who long for children and can’t have them. But I ask you to keep reading; you might relate to my experience more than you think.
The truth is, parenting isn’t a job I love. The burden of responsibility for another life can be overwhelming. I’m tasked with ensuring I don’t raise a future sociopath or a self-centered individual. It’s my job to nurture her self-esteem and confidence so she won’t seek validation from someone who doesn’t deserve it. I must help her excel academically and advocate for herself, ensuring that her abilities shine through, regardless of her challenges. The expectations are endless, and frankly, they can be exhausting and heartbreaking.
I worry constantly—Is she eating enough? Is she making friends? Is she learning? If a suspicious person approaches us in public, I switch into protective mode, ready to defend her. I envision worst-case scenarios at red lights, mentally rehearsing what I would do if anyone threatened her safety.
I make crucial decisions about her healthcare and therapy that will shape her future. The weight of these choices is immense. For instance, deciding whether to use a communication device or encourage her to develop speech feels like a high-stakes gamble. Communication is vital, but the desire to hear my child’s voice expressing love or even a preference for ice cream adds pressure to every choice.
Frankly, I don’t love this aspect of life—the constant emotional and mental strain of being responsible for someone else’s well-being.
In the spirit of transparency, I often daydream about the life I could have had if I hadn’t become a parent. There, I said it.
I imagine a vibrant life full of adventures, exotic travel, and cultural experiences—New York, Paris, Bali, Kenya, and so many other places. I envision myself living in a cozy Brooklyn apartment, surrounded by books and art, free to pursue my passions. In this fantasy, I’m not tied down by anyone but my own creativity, enjoying spontaneous nights out, diving into deep conversations over drinks, and indulging in the thrill of live performances.
If you’re honest with yourself, you’ve probably entertained similar thoughts about a life unencumbered by parental duties. It’s human to long for the “what could have been.” This longing doesn’t mean you don’t love your child; it simply reflects the difference between your current reality and the life you sometimes wish for.
But here’s the twist: Even though I don’t love every aspect of parenting, I absolutely cherish being the parent of my daughter, Ava. If I could go back and choose to forgo motherhood, knowing I’d eventually have her just as she is, I would still make the same choice without hesitation. There’s nothing about her essence that I don’t adore. I cherish her playful spirit, her knack for humor, her determination, and her ability to empathize with others at such a young age.
In these five years, I’ve learned more about life, compassion, and myself than in all my years before being her parent. Ava has pushed me to pursue my dreams and to embrace life with all its complexities.
While my fantasy life exists in the backdrop, my reality is enriched by her presence. Would I sometimes like to see what the “grass” looks like in that imagined life? Absolutely. And I think you might feel the same way sometimes too.
And that’s perfectly okay.
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Summary
This reflection candidly explores the complexities and challenges of parenting, revealing that it’s possible to love one’s child deeply while grappling with the stresses and sacrifices of parenthood. The author acknowledges the fantasy of a different life while ultimately valuing the unique joys that come with being a parent.