The turmoil had escalated beyond control, stretching on for what felt like an eternity. I found myself considering the unthinkable—those phrases that no parent ever wants to search online. “It will improve,” I reassured myself. But instead, things spiraled further out of hand.
Finding solitude, I retreated to a secluded spot in the orchard, sitting on the rough bark where I could be alone with my thoughts. With tears streaming down my face, I hesitantly typed “child psychiatric facilities” into my phone’s web browser.
What would happen if I made that call? My life would undoubtedly shift irrevocably, and I could never revert to the way things once were. What sort of parents do this? Who sends their child to a mental health facility? Were these kids like mine—intelligent, compassionate, and beautiful—yet battling with parts of their brain that weren’t functioning as they should?
I envisioned my daughter’s expression as I took her to the facility. She would undoubtedly scream and cry, her eyes filled with betrayal and her heart heavy with anger. “What kind of mom would leave their child at a place like this?” she would shout, and the guilt would tear through me like a bolt of lightning striking a tree.
This is a story about a mother and father with a sick child in a system that makes mental health care hard to access. There are child psychiatrists, yes, but they are few and far between. Their schedules are packed, and many aren’t accepting new patients. They often don’t accept insurance, meaning my family would have to pay out-of-pocket—a daunting financial burden for getting my daughter the care she desperately needed.
The system is failing us. In moments of crisis, parents often feel isolated and adrift. The feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, and heartache are overwhelming.
How I wished my daughter had a physical ailment instead. If she had a broken arm, we would visit the doctor, get a cast, and in a few weeks, she would be healed. Friends would write cheerful messages on her cast, and those sentiments would ring true. But with mental illness, there’s no quick fix. The intricate web of brain chemistry and neural pathways cannot be mended with a simple bandage. Therapy and medication are helpful, but finding the right combination takes time.
Maybe I hadn’t done enough as a parent to support her recovery. Perhaps I hadn’t shown enough patience or, conversely, had pushed too hard.
I took a deep breath and dialed the number.
After a few rings, a voice answered. “Psychiatric unit,” said a friendly-sounding man named Alex. I provided him with the information he needed, my throat tightening as I fought back tears. He was straightforward and compassionate, guiding me through the process while allowing me the space to collect myself.
“Has she ever mentioned wanting to harm herself?” he asked. In that moment, I felt as if I could no longer hold back the flood of emotion. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I gasped for breath, finally voicing the unthinkable: my daughter had expressed that she wished she were not alive. I had kept those words hidden, hoping they wouldn’t have to exist.
Alex reassured me, telling me to take my time. He understood how difficult this conversation was and waited patiently for me to gather myself. He informed me that there were available beds that night and that he would need to call back soon to finalize some paperwork.
After we hung up, I found myself unable to answer when he called back an hour later. I knew my daughter needed support, and I would dedicate myself to finding the right mental health professional who could accept her insurance. I would cry myself to sleep but would keep hoping for brighter days ahead. I will continue to fight for her happiness for the rest of my life because she is my child, and she deserves every ounce of advocacy I can offer.
If you want to learn more about navigating these challenges, consider checking out this resource on mental health topics or explore CDC’s pregnancy information which provides excellent insights into pregnancy and home insemination. For those interested in self-insemination options, Make A Mom offers comprehensive information on kits that can assist in the journey.
Summary:
This heartfelt narrative reflects the struggles of a parent facing the daunting decision of seeking mental health care for their child. It highlights the emotional turmoil, systemic challenges, and the unwavering commitment to advocating for a child’s well-being, emphasizing the complexities of mental illness compared to physical ailments.