Dear Cancer,
I despise you. I loathe everything you’ve inflicted upon me—snatching away my hope and leaving me breathless with fear. You approached me uninvited, launching your assault when I was blissfully unaware. It wasn’t just me who trembled in terror; my loved ones bore the brunt of your attack too.
I wish for your demise. I hope you wither away and vanish—never to be encountered again. Not a single person will mourn your absence. Nobody likes you; we all yearn for your end. Our collective hopes and prayers are directed at ensuring your extinction. My family and friends aren’t alone in this sentiment; everyone who has ever existed shares this fierce disdain for you.
You instilled fear in me. I once avoided even mentioning your name, afraid that doing so would provoke you. But it didn’t matter; you came anyway. You took an innocent soul hostage and attempted to destroy me. The most terrifying part is knowing that you could return at any moment, silently and swiftly, to finish the sinister task you began. My control over this battle is scant, and despite my best efforts to arm myself, it still may not be sufficient to vanquish you.
There are countless individuals dedicated to discovering ways to eliminate you from existence. Many have lost their lives in the fight against you, battling longer and harder than I ever did. Thankfully, there are those who have triumphed over you, thanks to the tireless efforts of those seeking to eradicate your presence.
You forced me to envision a world without my existence—a world where my daughters would go to bed without their mother to tuck them in, to soothe their hurts, and to reassure them. A world where my husband lies alone at night, longing for me. The most heart-wrenching thought is that of being replaced; another woman teaching my girls how to apply makeup, shopping for prom dresses, or dancing with my husband at our daughters’ weddings.
If you prevail, life will continue without me. My children will find joy again, and I pray my husband will discover love once more. Yet, my deepest wish is for you to simply vanish.
I keep hoping that you will leave me in peace. But just when I start to feel comfortable, when I think of your scars only occasionally, you creep back into my life. Your relentless attacks continue, with no remorse. Even if you are gone from me (as I hope), your impact has left an indelible mark on my being.
I despise you so intensely that I’ve attempted to cut pieces of myself away to keep you at bay, believing that the pain and suffering I endured would be enough to deter your return. I subjected myself to poison. For days, merely walking to the bathroom felt like a monumental task. I lay in bed at times, contemplating whether to keep fighting or to surrender. You robbed me of six precious months of my life and continue to take moments from me, even if just seconds at a time.
It has been two years since my diagnosis with breast cancer—over 700 days since I endured excruciating pain from procedures that stripped away parts of me. I underwent a mastectomy, had lymph nodes removed, and had a port surgically implanted in my chest for chemotherapy to reach my heart and circulate throughout my body. I was drugged, poisoned, cut open, and sewn back together.
My hair fell out, my vitality diminished, yet I still managed to smile. I laughed, loved, and lived despite the torment. I went into battle mode, but it was only after my final chemotherapy treatment that I allowed myself to scream and succumb to the fear. For months, I wore a mask, assuring everyone that I was alright. Only those closest to me could see the truth of my struggle.
Today, I lead my life as if the ordeal never occurred. From the outside, everything appears unchanged, and many have seemingly forgotten the battle I fought. My daughters still have their mother, my parents still have their daughter, and my husband still has his wife. However, I now cherish the little moments more than ever.
I wept when my oldest daughter got her ears pierced the day before her fifth birthday because I wasn’t sure I would witness that moment. I felt overwhelming joy when she graduated kindergarten—an event I was present for. I am now more intentional about spending time with my family, and I’ve developed a deeper sense of kindness and compassion. I hug tighter, linger longer, and express my love more frequently.
So, as much as I detest you, Cancer, I also extend my gratitude. Your unwelcome intrusion has awakened me to the fleeting nature of life and the importance of embracing the good while letting go of the bad. It has taught me to be kinder, more patient, and more caring, regardless of the circumstances.
Life is temporary, and none of us knows when our time will come. One day, we will all be memories. I just hope that the memories of me are filled with love and that you are absent from them.
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Summary
This heartfelt letter expresses a young mother’s deep resentment toward cancer for the fear and pain it has caused her and her loved ones. It details her journey through diagnosis and treatment, highlighting her struggles and resilience. Ultimately, she reflects on how this experience has taught her to cherish life’s fleeting moments while fostering a newfound appreciation for kindness and love.