Sometimes, it feels like my partner and I are managing a small enterprise together. Each of us has our own set of duties and a budget we need to stick to. We often have meetings to strategize our “business” plan: You handle this task, I’ll take care of that one. We hope to resolve certain issues by next week. We need to find ways to boost our budget. Can I take a day off for myself? Overall, we navigate the complexities of our household pretty well.
Yet, amid the day-to-day demands of parenting and careers, our relationship can sometimes take a backseat. While we make an effort to reconnect through date nights and personal time, we occasionally feel more like colleagues than romantic partners.
What if we began holding “relationship check-ins,” as suggested by Sara Johnson in her article for the Daily Journal? These sessions would allow us to regularly assess how each of us feels about the relationship. Johnson notes, “An increasing number of marriage counselors and relationship experts encourage couples to carry out regular performance evaluations. Many couples delay seeking help until issues become deeply rooted. By taking the time to routinely assess and discuss their relationship, partners can pinpoint what’s working and what isn’t—identifying goals for improvement long before problems become unmanageable.”
She references a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, where 216 married couples completed questionnaires designed to uncover strengths and weaknesses within their relationships. The participants were split into two groups: one group received “checkup” sessions with a therapist, while the other did not. The findings revealed that those who participated in the checkup sessions reported greater improvements in relationship satisfaction, intimacy, and feelings of acceptance from their partner, alongside a reduction in depressive symptoms, compared to the control group. Notably, couples who initially faced significant challenges saw the most progress.
I often approach relationships with a bit of skepticism, believing that things will either work out or they won’t. However, I can see the value in taking time to sit down with my partner to discuss what makes us happy and what doesn’t. If there are unaddressed issues, such as dissatisfaction with the division of household tasks or communication styles, those feelings can easily fester. Being proactive and discussing concerns like, “I feel overwhelmed with our chores,” or “I’d appreciate a kinder tone during stressful moments,” could prevent resentment from building up.
Moreover, I believe that therapy can help clarify when a relationship might be reaching its limits. If you find yourself consistently asking for changes—like more respectful communication or shared cooking duties—and those requests go unheeded, these check-ins could signal that it’s time to reevaluate.
So, perhaps we can transform our date nights into a “State of the Union” address. I’ll share what’s working for me and where I feel we could improve, and he can do the same. Because if we allow ourselves to become mere coworkers, we’ll risk losing the essence of our relationship.
This article originally appeared on October 16, 2015. For more insights on family matters, be sure to explore our other blog posts.
In summary, regular relationship check-ins can be a valuable tool for couples to foster open communication and address concerns before they escalate. By taking the time to evaluate your partnership, you can strengthen your bond and maintain a healthy connection.