Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 22, 2015
If only I could create a routine and follow through with it. If I could manage to rise on time each day. If I could just prioritize sleep and actually get a decent night’s rest. If I could align everything, then I’d fall asleep when it’s time and be alert when I need to work. Right?
If I could maintain a healthy diet, I wouldn’t feel bloated, overweight, or perpetually hungry. If I had nutritious food readily available, I wouldn’t be tempted to grab fast food or sugary drinks. I could indulge in organic, homegrown, and wholesome meals instead of relying on quick fixes. They would be right there, waiting for me to enjoy.
If I could arrive at work punctually and focus without distractions, I wouldn’t feel like I’m rushing out the door, leaving tasks unfinished and my coworkers scrambling. I could actually leave work behind, allowing myself a real break on holidays and weekends—a true Sabbath, perhaps.
If I could just tidy up my house, it would feel organized. My clothes would be in their proper places, and I could easily find what I need. Bills would be paid on time, laundry would be done, and I wouldn’t discover my cat snacking on the butter while the kittens wreak havoc with plastic wrap from the recycling.
If I could carve out time for exercise, getting up early to stretch or practice yoga, I’d feel more relaxed. I’d be flexible and healthier, free from daily headaches and the tension that keeps me grinding my teeth at night, worrying about breaking them with every loud squeak.
If I could commit to taking my vitamins, I wouldn’t mind if I missed out on a glass of milk or a few veggies—except I genuinely want to eat healthy foods. I dream of enjoying beautiful raw sushi, grilled chicken, fresh greens, vibrant salads, and juicy fruits. I want it all, but time slips away from me. If it were easier, I’d eat better; I know that. But is that just a catch-22?
There never seems to be enough time. Time feels like grains of sand slipping through my fingers—fleeting and elusive.
If I could simply sit up straighter, I wouldn’t find myself hunched over with age. If I could stop chewing on the skin around my nails. If I could stretch out my back and release these knots.
If I had a moment to style my hair, I’d look more polished. If I used lotion before bed, my hands would be softer. If I whitened my teeth and flossed regularly, they’d sparkle. If I remembered to apply my red lipstick, I could feel more confident—if only I could find it buried under old receipts, scattered change, and random bits of life cluttering my purse.
It seems so overwhelming. How can a woman create a spiritual haven amid such chaos? Which of these expectations can I let go of? Is it arriving on time (and taking a moment to enjoy my coffee)? Being a charming partner (letting my appearance slide a bit)? Prioritizing my health (which affects everyone around me)? Keeping others on track (even if it makes me late)?
If only I could devise the perfect routine, I could tend to my houseplants before they wilt, bake fresh bread, work on my novels, enjoy spiritual moments as they arise, and connect intimately with my husband so he knows my love endures even through exhaustion. I could resist getting sick while managing the unique needs of each child without feeling like a martyr. Expressing my feelings without being perceived as a martyr could also be liberating.
I am worn out. I crave it all. Yet, things slip through the cracks; my home is cluttered, I haven’t made any jam, and I haven’t picked a single berry. I’ve gained 15 pounds since returning to work, glued to my chair for hours without exercise. My houseplants are just sad, lifeless sticks in their pots. I find myself apologizing often. Most people might not care about such things, but some do. Who’s really in control here? Is it me? Is it really just me?
What if it’s all a mental construct? What if it’s not? What is genuinely possible? If unity is what I seek—with my partner, my body, my spirit, my divine connection—can I find balance in that quest? Is there a flawless schedule that can encompass all my needs? If not, which of these “essentials” can I release with grace?
For more insights, check out this blog post. Additionally, if you’re exploring options for home insemination, Make A Mom offers valuable resources. For further guidance on fertility treatments, March of Dimes is an excellent reference.
In summary, the quest for balance in life as a parent can feel overwhelming, but recognizing which aspects are essential and which can slide might lead to a more harmonious existence.