As the years rolled on in our relationship, my partner and I developed a sort of sexual shorthand. In the early days of parenthood, when our children were young and our time was scarce, this shorthand was a lifesaver. What once was a passionate and drawn-out foreplay session had morphed into a quick, “Hey, the kids are finally asleep! Meet me on the couch!” followed by a brief, sweaty exchange of pleasure.
However, as time went by, our intimate shorthand dwindled. One day, glancing at the calendar, I was taken aback to realize it had been over a month since we last connected intimately. Standing there, it dawned on me that it was time to address this issue with my partner. This was more than just a dry spell; it was a sign of complacency in our marriage. We needed to make a change, but I felt unsure about where to start.
I began to outline what I wanted to discuss—how vital intimacy and physical affection are in our relationship. I wanted to advocate for being a bit more selfish with our limited free time together. But as I pondered the right words, insecurities crept in.
Was our lack of intimacy due to my changing body? Middle age was creeping in, and motherhood had taken a toll on my appearance. While my partner seemed to grow more distinguished, I felt frumpy and out of shape. My body was no longer what it used to be, and I couldn’t help but question my attractiveness.
This nagging feeling spiraled into irrational thoughts about possible betrayals. I found myself second-guessing everything—calculating his work hours, scrutinizing our finances, and worrying about any signs of infidelity. But each time, I came up empty-handed.
Was this just a natural progression in a long-term relationship? I had heard about the so-called “Seven-Year Itch,” a theory suggesting that after a certain point, many marriages lose their spark. With so many responsibilities, it was easy for our relationship to slip down on the priority list. A friend once told me that after nearly a decade, it was a miracle if a marriage was still thriving without talk of separation or divorce.
And here we were, well past that mark. Her pessimistic viewpoint lingered in my mind, urging me to reignite the passion before it was too late. Should I try something bold, like purchasing risqué outfits or even exploring new avenues of intimacy? I felt torn between wanting to rejuvenate our connection and questioning how much of the dry spell was my own doing.
Ultimately, I realized that despite our busy lives, my partner and I still loved each other deeply. We shared fleeting moments of flirtation, like when he would playfully slap my backside during the morning rush. It became clear to me that I needed to express how much I missed our intimacy, how I longed for his touch and affection.
Even though it felt slightly silly and needy, I understood that remaining silent would be equivalent to ignoring the issue altogether. Our relationship should not take a backseat to parenting; it deserved attention. I decided to disregard any fears of sounding vulnerable and instead prioritize my marriage.
Taking a deep breath, I sat my partner down and said, “Honey, we need to talk.”
Summary
In this reflective piece, the author shares the journey of navigating intimacy within a long-term marriage. After realizing a significant gap in their physical connection, the author confronts insecurities and societal pressures, ultimately deciding to engage in an open conversation with her partner about their needs and desires. It highlights the importance of prioritizing marital intimacy amidst the challenges of parenting and everyday life.