Updated: April 1, 2020
Originally Published: October 26, 2015
“Those who rise after they fall are often seen as troublemakers. They can be difficult to manage. But that’s the most thrilling kind of risk.” — Brené Brown, Rising Strong
He stumbled multiple times—at least five, maybe more. I lost track. Each time he hit the ground, I held my breath, concerned he might be hurt, both physically and emotionally. With every tumble, a small piece of my heart seemed to shatter. Isn’t that how it feels when we watch someone we care about endure a fall?
Initially, I regretted our decision to visit the park. It would have been so much cozier at home. It was my son Oliver’s idea to create our own American Ninja Warrior course. Now, he was frustrated and defeated after each fall.
His little brother, Leo, had breezed through the course in less than three minutes. “Awesome job, Leo!” we cheered. “You’re a real ninja warrior!”
Then came Oliver’s turn. After a shaky start, he navigated most obstacles until he reached the final challenge. Barefoot, he stepped onto the narrow beam but lost his balance almost immediately. He tried to crawl up like Leo had done, wrapping his arms and legs around the beam.
He fell again.
He got back up, inched forward a bit, and tumbled down again. “Come on,” I encouraged. “You can do it!”
He climbed back on but fell repeatedly. With each fall, his frustration grew; his face reddened, and sweat dripped from his brow. My husband and I shared a knowing glance. We braced ourselves for the anticipated meltdown.
Minutes passed, and Oliver continued to struggle. But this time, when he fell, he clung to the beam. Instead of giving up, he crawled up the beam upside down, inching forward like a sloth rather than a monkey. Eventually, he reached the top.
“Woo-hoo!” we cheered. “You did it!”
“What was my time?” he asked, realizing that Leo had outpaced him by a significant margin. I braced myself for the inevitable disappointment.
Instead of a tantrum, Oliver lay back on the bench, catching his breath. Moments later, he sat up and said, “Leo, that was impressive! You climbed that last obstacle so quickly. Great job!”
My husband and I exchanged astonished looks. Where was the anger? Where were the excuses? Oliver seemed genuinely proud of himself and happy for his brother.
As we walked back to the starting line, we congratulated Oliver—not just for completing the course, but for getting back up after every fall. He hadn’t scored a game-winning touchdown or aced a test, yet he had shown remarkable perseverance. He had risen after falling, which is extraordinary in itself.
We often encourage our children to be brave and work hard. Yet as Brené Brown reminds us, “Daring greatly means we’re signing up to face challenges.” It’s not just painful; it’s often messy. Persevering through struggles can look like sweaty foreheads, tear-streaked faces, and bruised egos.
As parents, we tend to praise our children’s accomplishments and rightfully so. But in doing so, we sometimes overlook the effort it took to get there. We might celebrate the victories—the high test scores or the winning games—while brushing aside the grit required to achieve them.
It’s tough to watch our loved ones fall, and we often want to protect them from pain. We celebrate their achievements, but I wonder if we sometimes ignore the hard-fought battles behind those victories. By focusing solely on outcomes, we may unintentionally convey that falling equates to failure.
This summer, Oliver played in his first baseball game. I worried he might get frustrated and leave the mound in tears. But after a shaky start, he struck out three batters in a row. We all celebrated, but I’d rather applaud him for the courage he displayed on that hot afternoon at the park. When he finds himself struggling again, I want him to remember that he’s capable of getting back up.
It’s not just the outcomes that matter but the journey of perseverance. He showed both grit and kindness, rising time and again, which is a lesson worth celebrating.
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Summary:
In this piece, we explore the importance of teaching children resilience and kindness through the challenges they face. By celebrating not just their successes but their perseverance, we can help them understand that falling down is part of the journey and that getting back up is what truly matters.