If you were to chat with my neighbors living in the charming blue house at the end of the street, they’d likely share a story about the Halloween when a child dressed as a construction barrel strolled right into their home. Instead of grabbing a handful of candy, he boldly asked where the bathroom was while adjusting his costume.
If you spoke to the woman two houses down, she might tell you about the boy who turned down all the sweets she offered simply because he wasn’t a fan of her selection, but he did compliment her lovely chandeliers featuring energy-efficient bulbs.
And if you reached out to the family at the corner, they could recount the evening when a child found more joy in flicking on the foyer lights than in collecting full-size candy bars.
A few years back, my son, the construction barrel, was the only child in our neighborhood who wasn’t focused on filling his orange pumpkin with treats. His Halloween agenda revolved not around candy but rather the unique experiences that accompany autism.
For my son, October 31 is a highlight of the year. He sees it as an invitation to explore all the houses in our neighborhood. To him, when someone opens their front door, it’s a warm welcome, and he’s thrilled to step inside. Interacting with him on Halloween isn’t just about the typical exchanges of “here’s your candy,” “love your costume,” or “enjoy trick-or-treating.” It’s a chance to foster understanding about those who are different.
While some neighbors have embraced this, others seem puzzled and unsure of how to react. I understand their confusion, and I believe it’s important to educate them—and anyone else who opens their door to a special needs child on Halloween. The key is simple: be aware, be understanding, and be accepting.
Not every child knocking on your door fits the mold of a costume-wearing candy-seeker who has been counting down to this night for 364 days. Halloween can be daunting for some kids, including those with autism, as well as children who are shy, have allergies, or face other challenges that make trick-or-treating a tough task. For those with dietary restrictions, offering nut-free, gluten-free, or non-candy alternatives can help them feel included. Last year, an initiative called the Teal Pumpkin Project encouraged families to paint and display teal pumpkins (or use downloadable signs) to indicate that non-food items were available, promoting awareness of food allergies and inclusivity in trick-or-treating.
When my son was younger, he had a limited vocabulary, and “trick-or-treat” wasn’t a part of it. For a child with autism, or even one who is simply shy, approaching a stranger’s door for candy can be overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine if a child doesn’t say “trick-or-treat” or even “thank you.” Let’s not make those phrases prerequisites for receiving treats.
I know many parents who prepare their children for Halloween by practicing phrases and getting them accustomed to costumes and neighborhood walks. They might even use social stories to illustrate appropriate interactions.
Initially, my son disliked everything about Halloween—the darkness, the spooky decorations, the uncomfortable costumes, and the lack of interest in candy meant more treats for us! Someone once questioned why we took him out if he found it so unpleasant. It was a valid point, but staying home wasn’t an option. Like many kids—whether they’re on the spectrum or not—the more we expose him to various experiences, the more he adapts and may even come to enjoy them. After several years, my son now eagerly anticipates Halloween, just like his siblings, largely because he loves the idea of entering neighbors’ homes.
So this Halloween, let’s embrace awareness, understanding, and patience. If my children come to your door, please be generous—especially with the chocolate!
Here are some ways to ensure a fun Halloween experience for every child:
- Be aware. Just as you’ll see a variety of costumes, you’ll also encounter kids with differing comfort levels regarding Halloween customs. You can’t always tell which children have autism or allergies, or who may be too shy to speak.
- Be understanding. While Halloween is a highlight for many kids, not every child knocking at your door shares the same excitement about dressing up, navigating spooky decorations, or asking strangers for candy. Kids without costumes may have their reasons, and they shouldn’t be singled out for not participating in the traditional ways.
- Be accepting. Each child is unique, with their own strengths and challenges and varying levels of understanding when it comes to Halloween etiquette. Simply offer them candy (or a non-food item), smile, wish them a happy Halloween, and recognize that this night may be challenging for them. Their efforts to participate are commendable.
Your kindness and understanding can significantly impact the lives of these children.
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Summary
In this piece, Emily Hartwell shares her unique perspective as a parent of a child with autism on the Halloween experience. Through heartwarming anecdotes, she emphasizes the importance of awareness, understanding, and acceptance when interacting with children who may not fit traditional norms during this festive occasion. The article serves as a gentle reminder to embrace the diversity of experiences children bring to Halloween.