As a single mom, it’s been a while since I’ve explored the realm of intimacy — three years, to be exact. The last time I engaged in any sexual activity was on my son’s first birthday, and now that he’s just turned four, I find myself reflecting on that milestone in an unexpected way: “Happy three years without sex.”
At that time, I was still in a relationship with my son’s father, but as our partnership deteriorated, my friends frequently suggested that I needed to “get laid.” They believed that a night of passion could resolve my emotional struggles. However, I was acutely aware that sex wasn’t the answer to my deeper issues.
As I approach my thirties, the thought of seeking out sexual encounters feels daunting. My focus has been diverted to other priorities, and honestly, sex hasn’t been on my radar. The challenges of parenting a toddler kept me occupied, and the exhaustion from sleepless nights made it easy to overlook that part of my life.
Living with my parents added another layer of complexity. I was already dealing with the stigma of being a single mom, and I wasn’t keen on explaining my dating life, or lack thereof, to them. The dating pool seemed shallow, and frankly, many guys my age weren’t eager to engage with a single mom living at home.
After ending my relationship, I found myself in a difficult mental space where no amount of physical connection could ease my pain. Instead of seeking companionship, I immersed myself in my career, often working long hours that left me too drained to consider dating.
As my writing career began to flourish, I started feeling better about myself. I made an effort with my appearance and occasionally went out with friends. At one of these outings, I experienced someone flirting with me, but instead of excitement, I felt a wave of nausea. I realized I wasn’t ready for intimacy or dating, and I told my friends, in good humor, to stop pressuring me as if my lack of interest was a flaw.
Many friends struggled to comprehend how I could repress my sexual desires. For me, it wasn’t as challenging as it might seem; sex had never been my primary focus. I’ve always valued companionship, and physical attraction followed that connection. Casual encounters aren’t appealing to me, especially since I’m not in a position to form attachments.
Honestly, I’ve found joy in the life I’m building. I cherish my work, my friendships, and my time with my son. I enjoy the freedom of not worrying about looking attractive for someone else. At night, I’m happy to cozy up in my leggings and t-shirts, often too tired to think about nightlife or casual flings. If by chance an attractive person came my way, I wouldn’t reject them, but I’m not actively pursuing anything.
The mere thought of re-entering the dating world feels overwhelming. In my early thirties, this is not where I envisioned myself. Thinking about intimacy with someone unfamiliar is intimidating. After being with the same partner for four years, my body has changed, and I’m not sure I have the energy to balance parenting, work, and a romantic relationship. The logistics of arranging childcare just to explore a new connection seem daunting.
While the idea of flirting with attractive men can sound fun, it’s only appealing if I can return home to my ice cream and YouTube videos in solitude. The reality of actual sex? That’s complicated. My hesitance serves as a reminder that I’m simply not ready yet, and that’s perfectly fine.
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In summary, as a single mom, I’ve found contentment in my current life without the need for sexual relationships. Each day brings new joys and challenges, allowing me to focus on what truly matters to me at this stage.