We’ve all been there: a rare free morning on the calendar when your inner Supermom kicks in, convincing you that today is the day to tackle that endless to-do list. The first stop? The colossal discount warehouse just around the corner for a new set of tires—along with your two small children. What follows can be a true test of patience, but don’t worry! This step-by-step guide will help you navigate Costco like a pro (or at least survive the experience).
Let’s dive in:
- Decide that getting new tires at Costco for your worn-out set is a brilliant plan.
- Choose to visit Costco on a bustling Friday morning alongside the rest of the Bay Area.
- Think it’s an excellent idea to bring along your 2½-year-old and 7-month-old.
- Notice the tire shop line is five people long and tell yourself, “No biggie. I’ve got this.”
- Realize you’re entertaining your kids without snacks, toys, or coloring supplies.
- Do nothing to remedy No. 5.
- Start a game of hide-and-seek in the tire section—it’s secure and no one will escape!
- Initiate a “race” through the tires in a desperate attempt to tire out your toddler for a nap.
- Attempt to get your toddler to sit on the floor.
- Fail spectacularly.
- Pull out a pen from your purse and hand it to your toddler—”Draw anything!” you say.
- Chase after your toddler as he bolts for freedom.
- Catch him by the back of his shirt.
- Comfort the now-wailing child.
- Gently remind your almost-forgotten baby that you love him too.
- Apologize to the baby: “Mama really does love you!”
- Chase the escape artist once more.
- Consider the practicality of a leash for your runaway toddler.
- Join the other patrons in line, engaging in mutual sighs of impatience.
- Secretly wish someone would let you cut in front.
- Recover your composure after an elderly gentleman asks to cut in line (“I only need to exchange one tire, ma’am!”).
- Contemplate whether saying no makes you a bad person.
- Politely decline his request, gesturing to your active toddler and the baby.
- Avoid eye contact with the man for the next 25 minutes.
- Hope he doesn’t hold a grudge against you.
- Shush yourself as you chase after your toddler, vowing to stop being a people-pleaser.
- Manage to tackle your toddler down from a precarious ladder.
- Prevent your toddler from “Yeehawing” off a shopping cart.
- Breathe a sigh of relief as you finally approach the cash register.
- Let your toddler doodle with the tire department’s colorful markers.
- Wonder why you didn’t head to checkout sooner.
- Be told there’s a three-hour wait time.
- Realize that staying for three hours is simply absurd.
- Leave the tire center without securing a new set of tires.
- Wonder if you’ve entered a parallel universe when you find yourself dragging two kids into the main Costco area.
- Watch in disbelief as your toddler screams “Grapes! Grapes! Grapes!” after you deny him access to a four-pound bag.
- Relent and allow him to hold the grapes.
- Meander into the alcohol aisle.
- Think to yourself, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”
- Treat yourself to a nice bottle of chardonnay, promising to stick to your own time zone.
- Sample No. 1: Delicious ravioli!
- Resist the urge to buy discounted books—pat yourself on the back for supporting independent bookstores.
- Listen as your toddler screams “Pajamas!” when you deny him access to his new jammies in the middle of Costco.
- Sample No. 2: Fresh salad!
- Observe the tears streaming down your toddler’s face.
- Brace yourself for the judgmental glares from other shoppers.
- Thank the universe for sample No. 3: Coffee!
- Make your way to the checkout line, hoping you’ve chosen the fastest queue.
- Feel your heart drop as your toddler yells “Potty!”
- Sprint toward the restrooms.
- Notice a chain link fence blocking your path.
- Reminisce about your youthful fence-hopping skills.
- Navigate around the fence with the baby in an Ergo and your toddler in your arms.
- Realize too late that your toddler is peeing on you mid-sprint.
- Plop your toddler on the toilet, facing you.
- Question why your hip is wet—oh right, it’s the pee.
- Scream in horror as your toddler unleashes a stream of urine on your knees.
- Make his day by allowing him to wear the pajamas you previously denied him.
- Fist-pump in triumph; you’re almost out of here.
- Suddenly envision a cute Instagram moment: two brothers in one cart!
- Strap the baby into the cart just as your toddler bolts in the opposite direction.
- Stand aghast as he ignores your pleas to “Stop!”
- Watch him run away, leaving you in a state of panic.
- Abandon your cart, food, and purse to chase after your little Olympian.
- Convince yourself you can catch him.
- Quickly realize you’re not nearly as fast as you thought.
- Watch him round the corner, muttering, “I’m not paid enough for this!”
- Return to your cart and find a kind elderly lady pushing it forward.
- Hope she isn’t trying to steal your child.
- Say, “Thanks?” as you strap your wailing toddler back into the cart next to his baby brother.
- Hear yourself yell “Gentle!” as the older brother starts a wrestling match.
- Secure your place in line once again.
- Forget to snap that Instagram moment.
- Gaze at your receipt in disbelief, having purchased many items you never intended to buy—all because you only wanted new tires.
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Summary:
Taking your kids to Costco can be a chaotic adventure, especially when you’re just trying to pick up new tires. From toddler tantrums to unexpected purchases, this survival guide offers a lighthearted look at the trials of shopping with little ones in tow. With a touch of humor and plenty of relatable moments, it’s a reminder that sometimes, the journey is just as memorable as the destination.