By: Jamie Thompson
My eldest, who is now a delightful 20-year-old, was once a colicky infant. For the first eight months of her life, she cried almost constantly—definitely not a joyous period for us. Once we got through that challenging phase, she blossomed into a charming toddler. She was generally calm and responsive; if I cautioned her, “Don’t touch that, it’s dangerous,” she understood and stayed away. We co-slept for a year, and when she transitioned to her own bed, she did so without a hitch. She was an absolute pleasure—no hitting or biting, just sweetness all around.
I thought to myself, “Look at me, I’m an amazing parent!”
Then, in a surprising twist, I learned I was expecting her brother shortly after her second birthday (note to self: diaphragms can fail). My pregnancy was no picnic, to say the least.
When Sean arrived, he was a healthy nine-pound bundle of joy, charming us with his early walking and talking. Everything seemed perfect until he turned one.
That’s when the tantrums began. The screaming. The 5 a.m. wake-ups, every single day. And yes, the hitting, pinching, and non-stop screaming.
Remember that moment when I thought, “I’m the best mom ever”? Yeah, that didn’t last.
Over the years and after raising five kids (seriously, it took that many to figure it out), I’ve come to understand that a child’s behavior is a mix of genetics and parenting. Some aspects are beyond our control. Sean, for instance, was born with an incredibly spirited temperament. Fast forward to now, he’s a bright 17-year-old, talented musician, and a loving son—most of the time, he manages to keep the biting at bay.
In an unexpected twist of fate, his younger brother was a breeze, but then baby number four, Mia, followed in Sean’s footsteps with her own set of challenges.
Now that I’ve rambled for over 400 words, let me share some insights I’ve gathered through the years of parenting kids who can make you question your abilities:
1. Gifted Yet Spirited
Often, the most spirited children are also the brightest. It’s essential to recognize that their frustration may stem from a lack of understanding. Try to help them grasp what’s happening around them—it can be a game-changer.
2. Alone Time
Sometimes, kids need space to process their emotions. If they’re overwhelmed, it’s okay to give them a moment to regroup. Let them know you’re nearby if they need you.
3. Let Them Cry
Crying can be a necessary emotional release for children. They might not understand this yet, so create a safe space for them to express themselves while reassuring them of your support.
4. Routine Matters
Kids thrive on consistency. Establishing routines for meals, bedtime, and other daily activities can help them feel secure, especially if they struggle with emotional regulation.
5. Physical Comfort
Sometimes, a comforting hug or holding them tightly during a meltdown can help. It’s not always enjoyable for them, but it can provide the grounding they need in a chaotic moment.
6. Emotional Reflection
Remember that your emotions can mirror those of your child. Staying calm is crucial, even in the face of chaos. If needed, take a step back to breathe and collect yourself.
7. Limited Choices
Offering choices can empower children, but too many options can overwhelm them. Simple, clear choices help them feel in control without feeling lost.
You’re not alone on this journey. Each day presents new challenges, but with patience and understanding, you can navigate through the ups and downs. Remember, you’re doing your best, and that’s what truly matters. Hang in there!
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Summary
Parenting spirited and emotional children can be a challenging yet rewarding experience. Understanding their unique needs, providing structure, and maintaining your own emotional calm can help you navigate the ups and downs of parenthood. Remember, you’re not alone, and every effort counts.