There’s no denying it: I’m the go-to parent in our household. When my child wakes up in the middle of the night, it’s me she calls for. When she tumbles and needs comfort, it’s my arms she seeks. And while this may sound like a dream come true, it can often feel like a burden.
Before diving into parenthood, I imagined the joy of unconditional love that only a child could offer. Two years in, I’ve experienced this love in abundance—every hug, every giggle, every adventure shared. Yet, the reality comes with its own set of challenges.
Being the favorite means I’m always “on duty.” When my child cries out for me at 2 a.m., I know I’m the one she wants. Even when I manage to sneak in a rare evening out, I find myself worrying about how bedtime is going, only to return home to a still-awake toddler who has been crying for me. Weekend getaways? Forget it. I’m constantly in demand, with little hands clinging to me, and I often feel like I can’t escape.
Take this Saturday morning as an example: My daughter wakes up at 6 a.m., calling for “Mummy!” while I long for just a few more minutes of sleep. My partner groggily gets up to attend to her, but the cries escalate. “No! Need Mummy!” I try to ignore it, but eventually, fatigue wins, and I find myself downstairs, bleary-eyed.
The toughest part of being the favorite, though, is witnessing my partner get hurt. When our child is reaching for me, it’s a subtle rejection of her other mother. When my partner responds and is met with “No! Not you!” it’s hard to watch. My child is too young to understand the implications of her words. This dynamic is even more complex in a two-mom family. There’s no societal script to explain why one mom is favored over the other, and my partner sometimes finds herself asking, “Why does she H-A-T-E me?”
Of course, it’s not true that our daughter hates her other mother. She shows her love in many ways, whether it’s a joyful greeting or sharing precious moments during bedtime stories—moments I’m often not a part of. When she says “I love you,” it’s heartfelt, but the favoritism remains clear.
We’ve tried various strategies to balance the scales of affection. We encourage our daughter to go to whoever is closest when she falls. I still venture out, even if it means hearing her cries while I leave. My partner reassures me, saying, “It’s OK! We’ll manage!” And, surprisingly, we do.
When my partner asks once more why our child seems to favor me, I remind her that she is loved just as deeply. It’s perfectly fine for me to be the favorite for now. There will come a time when the tides change, and my partner may become the one our child confides in or seeks comfort from. Someday, during those teenage years, our little one may even scream, “I hate you!” at me. On those days, we’ll remind her that she doesn’t have to pick one of us; both of us are here for her, loving her fiercely.
In the end, our child is the true favorite in this family, and that’s a win for us all.
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Summary
Being the favorite parent brings immense joy but also unique challenges, particularly in a two-mom family. The constant demand for attention can lead to feelings of guilt for the other parent, but love remains abundant on both sides. As parenting dynamics shift, it’s crucial to remember that both parents are equally cherished, and the child is the true favorite.