Updated: Jan. 28, 2021
Originally Published: November 13, 2015
As a parent, my goal is to nurture kind and empathetic children. My partner and I strive to exemplify generosity and community service. Our son participates in Scouts, and we encourage our children to reach out to those who may feel lonely at school—whether by offering a compliment or inviting them to play. I actively follow initiatives like The Bully Project and share relevant stories with my kids, believing that we all have a role to play in reducing bullying.
In our home, we do not condone violence. We have two boys, and like many children, they sometimes turn everyday objects into pretend weapons. We ensure they understand that guns are dangerous and can cause harm. If they ever hurt each other, we step in, and they know to apologize and make amends. While they often play-fight, any sign of real injury brings the games to a halt.
However, I also teach my children to stand their ground. While we emphasize the importance of kindness and compassion, we recognize the necessity of self-defense. The reality is that the world can be harsh. Children can be cruel, and those cruel behaviors often persist into adulthood. We refuse to let our bright, unique kids become targets for bullying. They must learn that they are not victims and that their spirits deserve protection.
We have three children—a mix of boys and a girl—and they all receive the same message: if someone confronts you, you must defend yourself. Stand tall, look that person in the eye, and demonstrate courage. We understand that bullying can create a cycle, with one child targeted repeatedly throughout their school years. Thus, while we promote empathy, we also prepare our children for life’s challenges.
I’ve seen various articles advocating that the best approach to bullying is to address underlying issues and prevent the behavior. I wholeheartedly agree. It’s essential for us as parents to raise children who are not bullies ourselves and for schools to take action against bullying. But if someone suggests that I shouldn’t teach my kids to stand up for themselves, I would have to disagree. That’s not something we can compromise on.
I know that often, bullies have their own struggles at home, which is a sad reality. I wish every child experienced love and validation, but I’m also aware that my children will encounter unkindness from others throughout their lives. It is my duty as a parent to equip them with the skills to navigate these challenges, maintaining their dignity and pride.
To this end, we’ve enrolled our kids in karate, where they learn effective self-defense techniques and how to throw a proper punch. We teach them how to carry themselves with confidence. “Even if you feel scared,” we remind them, “don’t show it.” Stand tall, make eye contact, and verbally assert that you won’t be victimized. And if they are struck, we tell them to strike back—firmly.
Cyberbullying presents a different challenge. How can my child “fight back” if targeted online? I’m still navigating that terrain. My hope is that if she asserts herself early on, it will send a clear message to her peers that she is not someone to be trifled with. This confidence will serve her well as she grows, helping her face whatever comes her way. Ultimately, I want my children to feel empowered and view themselves as leaders. Whether they face verbal, physical, or online attacks, I want them to rise above and emerge stronger.
So yes, I teach my kids to stand up for themselves, and I stand by that decision.
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Summary
In this article, Emily Carter discusses her approach to teaching her children about standing up against bullying. She emphasizes the importance of self-defense while promoting kindness and empathy. By preparing her children to face challenges with confidence and resilience, she aims to empower them to navigate a world where not everyone is kind.