On a fateful day in January 2014, my mom made the heartbreaking decision to drive her car off a cliff. Although she had battled feelings of despair before, the reality of her suicide hit me like a ton of bricks. At that time, I was still navigating the challenges of motherhood with my 18-month-old daughter. Every day, I long for just a moment with my mom, especially during the exhausting times of raising my two daughters. Despite my deep sadness, I have found unexpected strength in this experience, allowing it to shape me into a more thoughtful and compassionate mother. Here are some lessons I’ve learned since losing her.
Live in the Present, Let Go of Regrets
My mother often carried the weight of guilt for moments she felt she had wasted. She wished she had participated more actively in my sister’s and my lives when we were younger. If only she could have recognized the joy she could still experience through her adult daughters and grandchildren! I refuse to carry the same regrets. Instead, I cherish every moment with my daughters. I strive to be intentional in our interactions, prioritizing cuddle time and words of affirmation. The truth is, we only have a limited time before our children grow up and become independent, and I don’t want to let it slip away. I am also learning to forgive myself for the inevitable mistakes I make as a parent, especially on the days when my patience wears thin.
Leave Behind Tokens of Love
One of the hardest parts of my mom’s passing was her lack of a goodbye or any written words to remember her by. Memories fade, and photos only tell part of the story. I deeply wish I had her thoughts and encouragement to hold onto. While I can’t change the past, I can create lasting memories for my daughters. I’ve started a journal for each of them, writing heartfelt letters every few months. These simple notes express my love and hopes for their futures. When I am gone, I want them to know without a doubt how cherished they are.
Recognize Your Own Beauty
My mom was always critical of her appearance, pointing out her flaws like bad skin or extra pounds. To me, she was the epitome of beauty. I know that many of us feel this way about our moms, and it’s how our children perceive us, too. My preschooler often dresses me in fun accessories and tells me I look beautiful. I’m learning to embrace that perception, even when my own doubts creep in. I want to show my daughters how to celebrate their unique beauty and strengths, whether it’s through silly photos or wearing a swimsuit with confidence. Life is too short to hold back from making memories.
Make Time for Yourself
My mom was selfless to a fault, often neglecting her own well-being to care for others. While many of us may not face the same mental health challenges she did, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by life’s demands. I refuse to let poor health choices rob me of the joy of motherhood. I prioritize healthy eating, regular exercise, and personal time. Making space for my hobbies and nurturing friendships has become essential. This self-care not only benefits me but also makes me a better mom and partner.
While I hope no one has to endure the pain of losing a parent, I aim to inspire other mothers by sharing what I’ve learned through this tragedy. If you’re interested in more insights on this topic, check out our other posts on intracervical insemination. For those seeking further information about fertility, Make a Mom is a great resource, and you can also explore ASRM for additional guidance.
In summary, my mother’s passing has profoundly influenced my parenting journey, teaching me to cherish each moment, express love through words, embrace beauty, and prioritize my well-being. May these lessons serve to uplift and encourage other mothers navigating their own paths.