The holiday season is here, and that means it’s time for some of the busiest travel days of the year. Like many, I’ve moved away from my hometown but always make the lengthy drive back to join my family for celebrations and traditions. Unfortunately, I find myself in that awkward space where flying is too expensive, yet driving takes a significant chunk of my day. After years of making this trek, I’ve come to expect a few memorable drivers along the way. Whoever said the journey matters more than the destination clearly never braved icy roads just before Thanksgiving or Christmas.
- The ‘Blinkers Are Optional’ Driver
Fun fact: Those flashing lights on your car aren’t just for decoration. They’re meant to signal to me—yes, the one minding my own business in the lane next to you—that you intend to change lanes. Skipping the signal forces me to brake, swerve, and let’s be honest, curse like a sailor. - The ‘High Beams Always On’ Driver
High beams can be quite useful on empty highways at night, but less so when you’re tailgating me with those glaring lights shining directly into my rearview mirror. If you keep it up, I might just find myself seeing the bright lights of the afterlife as I veer off the road! - The ‘What Is Cruise Control?’ Driver
Some folks prefer to drive without cruise control, which is totally fine if they can maintain a steady speed. But when you pass me, only to slow down and then pass me again—what is this, a slow-motion dance? Let’s save the tango for the dance floor, not the highway. - The ‘Speed Limits Are for Other People’ Driver
I admit, I sometimes push the speed limits a bit, especially on open highways. However, when someone zips up behind me like they’re in a race, it’s another story. The real joy comes when I see these speed demons pulled over by the police just a couple of miles ahead. - The ‘Let Me Zoom Past Just to Exit Soon’ Driver
I understand if my speed isn’t your favorite, but when your exit is just ahead, is it really necessary to zoom past me at warp speed just to cut in front? I can’t help but wonder if you and the speed-limit-ignorer are racing to some kind of holiday trophy. - The ‘Merging at 30 MPH is Fine, Right?’ Driver
Trying to merge onto a 75 MPH highway while going 30 feels like attempting to jump onto a moving treadmill—near impossible! You force me to either brake suddenly or swerve, causing a panic that could ruin my holiday cheer. - The ‘I’m Using You as a Pace Car’ Driver
This isn’t the Tour de France, buddy. If you’re tailgating me rather than passing, you might as well be glued to my bumper. It puts me in a tough spot: speed up to shake you off or slow down and deal with your irritation. Spoiler alert: I’m usually going to choose the speed option. - The ‘Offended by Being Passed’ Driver
We’ve all felt that twinge of annoyance when someone passes us, but it’s not personal! Yet, when you see me creeping up beside you and feel compelled to speed up just to block my path, it becomes personal. Enjoy your little victory while I give you the two-handed salute. - The ‘Passing Lanes Are for Others’ Driver
Each state has its own rules about the passing lane, but they all boil down to this: move over! If you’re going slower than the traffic, it’s time to let the rest of us pass freely. The left lane is for those who want to get somewhere! - The ‘Movies for the Kids’ Driver
To the parent who’s keeping their kids entertained with movies in the backseat—kudos! But as I cruise behind you, I can’t help but be entranced by the flickering screens, risking my focus on the road. It’s hard to stay mad at you when you’re just trying to keep the peace, but after encountering the other nine types of drivers, I might still mutter a few curses your way.
As a final note, it’s important to remember that these “drivers” can just as easily be women. Douchebaggery knows no gender. Here’s wishing everyone safe travels this holiday season and a fantastic drive! For more insights on home insemination, check out this informative post.
Summary:
The holiday season brings traffic chaos, and on the road, we encounter a colorful cast of characters. From those who ignore turn signals to those who use their high beams indiscriminately, each driver adds to the journey’s challenge. Despite the frustrations, it’s essential to remember that we’re all just trying to make it to our destinations safely. Happy travels!