I noticed the look. The tone was unmistakable. The pediatrician who attended to my 2-year-old son at urgent care was clearly unsettled by his behavior. After handing me a prescription, she turned to him and said, “We say excuse me!” My discomfort only grew when she questioned where he had learned to shout “hooray!” instead of the more appropriate “excuse me.” I felt guilty, very guilty.
My son is determined, or as some might say, strong-willed. I suspect he declared “I can do it” long before he could form actual words. He’s perpetually on the move, as if he has a packed schedule that he’s determined to follow. His energy is relentless! Most of the time, he tunes me out completely, prompting me to use some rather questionable strategies to grab his attention—something that certainly backfired during this incident. I stuffed the prescription into my bag and mumbled, “I’m not sure!” as I hurried out. The lingering feelings of shame, hurt, and a sense of failure weighed heavily on me. That doctor had defined my son by just a fleeting moment. But he is so much more than that.
I strive to view my son not just as “strong-willed” but rather as “going places.” This perspective not only reflects his constant movement but also highlights a commendable personality trait. However, anyone who has a spirited child knows the challenges that come with it. There are the doctors at the clinic, the strangers in the grocery store, and even family members who sometimes look at you with judgment. So many people seem eager to label and intervene, much like that pediatrician did.
Flipping the Script on Labels
But what if we flipped the script on these labels? What do we discover?
- My son isn’t disobedient; he’s independent.
- He isn’t aggressive; he’s confident.
- He isn’t outspoken; he’s vocal.
- He isn’t a troublemaker; he’s brave.
- He isn’t emotional; he’s expressive.
- He isn’t selfish; he’s determined.
- He isn’t strong-willed; he’s powerful.
Sure, my son could place his hands on his hips by 9 months old, and maybe he shrieks whenever things don’t go his way. His claim over playground equipment sends older kids running. Waiting in line? Not a chance. And don’t even get me started on mismatched bibs or the dreaded “time-out.” I’m certain our neighbors can hear him from a mile away! Yes, he can be challenging, but he’s also remarkable. Beyond these moments lies a child learning to navigate her emotions—a child like my son who absorbs so much that he frequently feels overwhelmed and unfocused, as if his mind has 100 tabs open at once.
It’s easy for people to forget that a 2-year-old doesn’t act with malicious intent. Determined kids aren’t trying to be difficult; they’re simply figuring out how to engage with the world. Witnessing this is truly impressive.
I encourage bystanders to pay closer attention when they see a spirited child in action. Observe him walk into his first day of preschool, tear-free and eager to learn. He approaches teachers and classmates with more confidence than the principal! He dives into new experiences without hesitation, opening himself up to a world of opportunities. When faced with peer pressure, his determination is unwavering. Yes, he’s strong-willed; yes, he’s powerful. This child is destined for greatness.
So, thank you for the prescription, doctor. But as for your advice regarding my son’s behavior? No thanks, we’ve got it covered. Please refrain from judging or labeling my child. He’s doing wonderfully and is so much more than a single moment you witnessed.
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In summary, my son’s strong will is a powerful trait that propels him forward. Rather than viewing it as a challenge, let’s celebrate the independence, confidence, and bravery that define spirited children. They are not just strong-willed; they are destined for amazing things.