Let’s be real: the idea of having it all can feel like a burden, especially for women.
First off, let me acknowledge my privilege: I’m a white woman with a college degree, married, and living in a charming mountain town. I have a career that I genuinely enjoy, which puts me in a fortunate position. Yet, the truth about “having it all” is far from glamorous.
Just the other day, I was strolling to the mailbox, feeling a sense of accomplishment. I have a 3.5-year-old and a newborn who’s just a month old. In that short time, I managed to work consistently, bringing in enough income to cover all our bills and support my husband’s small business. I produced quality work that I take pride in, all while not mentioning my recent childbirth to anyone.
But as I was basking in my own glow, I suddenly realized I had an unfortunate accident. I was in light-gray sweatpants, and let’s just say, my neighbor’s wave became a bit awkward when I realized the situation. By the time I got home, I had to jump on a conference call—still in those sweatpants. Fortunately, the baby stayed asleep, but as soon as the call ended, I was met with the reality of motherhood: a screaming infant needing to be fed.
After burping the baby and getting some spit-up in my hair—no time to fix that, just clip it back—I changed out of my wet pants, ready to tackle more work. But then my other child barged in, reminding me of the brownies I had promised. I hadn’t made them yet. My husband chimed in about dinner plans, and there I was, with the little one in a sling, trying to whip something up in the kitchen.
Amidst this chaos, I felt a sharp pain and thought, “Did I pop a stitch?” The discomfort was unsettling, but I pushed through. I finally managed to shower, but the reality of my postpartum body hit me hard. I had spent the entire month confined to my room, except to grab food, and only took one day off after giving birth.
Let’s talk about the mess around me—a pile of laundry and a bag of dirty diapers just two feet away. The smell was less than pleasant.
I’m not a single mom; my husband is incredibly supportive. I’m not scraping by on minimum wage jobs. Yet, I feel the weight of being a working mother in America.
Redefining “Having It All”
Here’s my perspective: the concept of “having it all” has been completely misconstrued. The feminist movement aimed to provide women choices. Want to have a career? Go for it. Prefer to stay at home with the kids? That’s great too. But juggling both simultaneously was never the intention.
What we’re told today is that women should have both careers and children. If they struggle, it’s seen as a personal failure. The lack of support—no paid maternity leave, no affordable childcare—creates an impossible situation. We applaud companies that freeze women’s eggs but neglect to offer actual support for those who want to have kids during their prime years.
And yes, I understand that men are parents too, but the physical recovery from childbirth and the demands of a newborn can be overwhelming. It’s important to recognize that women may require more time to recover.
This isn’t an attack on men; it’s a call for societal change. Women often face judgment from other women for their parenting choices. It’s not just men who perpetuate these stereotypes.
I don’t expect an easy life or to have it all without hard work. But it’s time to stop promoting the misleading narrative that women can have everything without sacrifices. The reality is, if you want a career and kids, both will likely suffer. You will always feel torn, judged, and unfulfilled.
Creating a Supportive Environment
If we want to redefine this narrative, we need to change societal norms. It should be acceptable for women to choose not to have children without incessant questioning. Likewise, it should also be okay for women to opt out of working without feeling judged.
We need to foster an environment where women can embrace motherhood or career pursuits without fear of backlash. It should be clear that every woman deserves support—regardless of her background. Whether she’s the VP at a tech company or a waitress, every mother deserves maternity leave and job security.
Let’s create a world where women can acknowledge their pregnancies or take necessary time off without risking their careers. It’s time to redefine “having it all” so that each woman can determine what that looks like for herself. Reflecting on the first month of my child’s life and realizing how well I hid their existence is truly disheartening.
Resources
If you want to learn more about fertility options or motherhood resources, there are excellent sites available, such as Mount Sinai, and for those interested in fertility boosters, check out Make A Mom. For more insight into privacy policies, visit here.
Summary
The notion of “having it all” for women is often misleading, leading to unrealistic expectations and pressures. This article highlights the challenges faced by working mothers, emphasizing the need for societal changes that support women’s choices regarding career and family. It advocates for a more honest conversation about the sacrifices involved in balancing both roles and calls for a supportive environment where women can thrive without judgment.