Every time I step away from my child for a significant period, I inevitably face this question: “You must really miss him, right?” The answer, surprisingly, is no.
As a freelance writer, I have the privilege of working from home while nurturing my career—one that is filled with deadlines, conference calls, and supportive editors who believe in my potential. I also have a lively toddler who adores playing, flipping through his First Words book, and thinks only I can lull him to sleep.
Sometimes, my job requires me to be away from him. This could mean writing in another room to meet a deadline or traveling out of state to cover a story. Each time I engage in work that doesn’t involve my son, friends and family tilt their heads, raising their eyebrows in disbelief, as if to say, “How can you handle being apart?”
I typically respond with the expected answer, saying it’s tough and that I eagerly await returning home, which is partially true. But deep down, I wish to express that it’s not difficult at all. I genuinely enjoy my work and the fulfilling opportunities it offers, and I relish immersing myself in my passion, especially when I can focus solely on it.
In fact, I often look forward to my time away from my child—not because he’s overwhelming, but because I thrive on pursuing interests beyond motherhood. Engaging in my career, nurturing friendships, and working on projects that are uniquely mine brings me joy. I adore my son, but I also appreciate the freedom to explore my own passions without interruption.
So, no, I don’t miss my child when I’m away.
It seems there’s a societal expectation that mothers should express regret when they pursue careers outside the home. Fathers, on the other hand, rarely face inquiries about missing their children while they work. Mothers are often perceived as needing to justify their choices, feeling pressured to wish for the opportunity to be stay-at-home parents. But I’m not in that position—I choose to work because it enriches my life. I’m not just supporting my family; I’m also fulfilling my own aspirations.
Of course, guilt sometimes creeps in, whispering that I’m a selfish parent or setting my son up for future resentment. It’s that nagging voice of inadequacy that I strive to silence, though it can be quite persistent. Yes, I occasionally miss my son when I’m away, but those feelings arise just before I see him or right after saying goodbye. It’s more about anticipation than longing. When I’m working, I’m focused on my career, my other love.
So, if you ask me whether I miss my son while I’m working, I might nod and give you the socially acceptable answer. But the truth is, I find fulfillment and accomplishment outside of motherhood as well. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
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In summary, while I cherish my time with my child, I also value the moments spent pursuing my career and personal interests. Balancing both worlds is not only possible but essential for my happiness and fulfillment.