Parenting is a wild ride, isn’t it? I’ve been navigating this journey for nearly 16 years now, and let me tell you, it’s never been a walk in the park. Kids are on a constant rollercoaster of change, often testing my patience while keeping me on my toes. The sheer logistics of tracking their growth, dietary restrictions, sleep patterns, and educational needs can feel overwhelming. And let’s not forget the emotional load that comes with motherhood — worrying about their physical and emotional safety is a full-time job in itself. To top it all off, we’re flooded with advice from “experts,” well-meaning friends, and the ever-judgmental internet.
It’s a lot to juggle.
I used to devour parenting books in search of clarity, but I stopped a couple of years ago. I quickly realized that much of the advice out there is, frankly, nonsense. Sure, some tips might work temporarily, but kids are clever; they find ways to sidestep what we think will work. Most of the “issues” my kids face have turned out to be phases, ingrained traits, or signs that our family dynamics need a little tweaking.
Yet, there’s one fundamental question I always circle back to whenever parenting feels like it’s spiraling out of control: How is our relationship doing?
Over these years, I’ve come to understand that parenting revolves around relationships. Yes, discipline is essential, but it loses its effectiveness if my children don’t feel a solid connection with me. Without that bond built on love, respect, and trust, any parenting strategy is just a short-term fix.
Often, when my kids start to drive me up the wall, it’s because a rift is forming between us — not the natural distance that comes with growing up, but a troubling, unhealthy gap. That’s when I know I need to draw them in closer. Instead of hardening my heart, I consciously soften. I remind them that I’m their safe space and biggest supporter. I let them know they can be themselves with me, and while I’m their mother and not their friend, I don’t see a huge difference when it comes to being close. A mother should be someone you can approach with your worries, fears, and dreams.
I ask “How’s our relationship?” when my teenager is feeling moody. I ask it when my middle child unleashes her temper on her little brother or when my youngest tells a fib. This question isn’t a replacement for necessary discipline; it’s a precursor and follow-up that emphasizes my goal of strengthening both their character and our bond. If my daughter feels connected to me, I can guide her through the ups and downs of adolescence more effectively. I can help my middle child manage her anger while she knows we’re a team. I can teach my son about honesty in a more profound way if he understands the value of trust in our relationship.
I constantly remind myself that I’ll be a parent to my kids forever. This mother-child connection extends beyond time-outs, screen time debates, messy rooms, and all the daily annoyances. It’s easy to lose sight of the importance of connection amid the parenting grind. I know that nurturing my relationship with my kids is paramount, so I strive to be mindful in all our interactions.
Of course, there are moments when I dream of fleeing to a deserted island or flushing my kids down the toilet — let’s be real. Sometimes maintaining a good relationship means taking breaks. But even then, I remind myself that I need that time to recharge so I can give them my best and keep our bond healthy.
So far, this approach has worked wonders. I genuinely enjoy my nearly 16-year-old. My middle daughter recently told me she always wants to share everything with me, and so far, she has — even some tough stuff. I know that won’t always be the case, and as she grows, there will be things I might not want to hear. But my hope is that my kids will instinctively come to me when life gets complicated.
Parenting a child who feels close to you, where trust and respect are mutual, is a much smoother journey than navigating the choppy waters of disconnection. Maintaining these relationships takes effort, but it’s absolutely worth it.
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Summary
Parenting is a complex journey that revolves around nurturing relationships with your children. The key question to ask yourself when challenges arise is, “How is our relationship doing?” Strengthening this bond fosters trust, respect, and open communication, making parenting smoother and more enjoyable.