Our family has opted not to embrace the Santa Claus tradition. It’s not that we have anything against the cheerful figure; it just doesn’t fit with our family’s values. We enjoy holiday films featuring Santa (those Tim Allen movies are a riot!), and we take the time to educate our kids about the historical figure of St. Nicholas. However, we do not participate in the conventional Santa customs: no cookies left out, no naughty or nice lists, and no presents attributed to the jolly man in red.
I completely understand and respect that many families enjoy the Santa tradition; it’s a cherished part of Western holiday culture. While I have no issue with it, I do find myself slightly bothered when people ask my children what Santa brought them for Christmas.
Typically, these questions come from strangers at the grocery store or employees at businesses. I realize they’re trying to engage in friendly conversation, which is lovely. However, the assumptions behind these inquiries can be a bit irksome. First, it presumes that we celebrate Christmas, and secondly, it assumes we partake in the Santa tradition. Is it because I’m just an ordinary-looking white woman in America? That feels a tad presumptuous.
Many folks likely don’t think twice about it. After all, a significant number of Americans celebrate Christmas, and many parents do indulge in the Santa myth. However, I would never assume that someone I encounter at a store fits neatly into that mold.
The primary reason I feel uneasy about the Santa questions is that they can put our kids—especially the younger ones—in an awkward spot. It’s not as innocent of a question as it may seem. It’s cloaked in the warmth of the holiday spirit, wrapped in nostalgic memories, and presented with a cheerful smile. When my children respond honestly—that we don’t do Santa—there’s often an uncomfortable pause, and the questioner’s smile tends to fade, even if just slightly. Their truthful answer can feel like a letdown, as if they’ve spoiled a perfectly nice interaction.
My kids are naturally shy, making conversations with strangers a bit challenging. There’s no way for them to respond to “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” without disappointing the person asking. I’ve witnessed this scenario unfold numerous times. The questioner is caught off-guard, leading to an awkward moment, and the kids inevitably feel like it’s their fault. It’s a lot to expect from a 5 or 6-year-old to navigate these social nuances. They often look to me for guidance, as if to say, “Um, Mom, how do I handle this?” I’ve taken to stepping in to answer for them, trying to keep the mood light: “Oh, we don’t actually do Santa.” I then subtly shift the conversation, but I dislike having to speak for my children. It creates an uncomfortable dynamic all around.
All of this could be avoided if people refrained from making assumptions about those they don’t know. I’m not suggesting we stop making conversation about the holidays altogether. There are plenty of questions that can be posed without making assumptions about one’s beliefs or practices. Asking, “Do you have any exciting plans for the holiday break?” is a perfectly reasonable option. You could even call it Christmas break if that matters to you! That phrasing doesn’t presume anything about the other person. Conversely, “What did you ask Santa for Christmas?” does.
This is simply a gentle request. I understand that some individuals feel passionately about the Santa tradition and the debate between “Merry Christmas” versus “Happy Holidays.” Just keep in mind that many families—even those who celebrate Christmas in every other respect—don’t participate in the Santa tradition. Despite good intentions, making that assumption can lead to unnecessary awkwardness for both you and the child you’re engaging with.
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In summary, while holiday traditions vary widely, it’s essential to engage in conversation without making assumptions about someone else’s practices. A simple shift in how we frame our questions can help ensure everyone feels comfortable and included during this festive season.